Mis Pensamientos

Resolution, Finally

2007-08-14T23:56:00.000-04:00

So I found out I do NOT have to go back to court again for the guy who broke into my house last year. He pleaded guilty. For breaking into my house he got 15 years with all but 6 months suspended and for some of the other stuff he did, he got 50 years with 40 years suspended. So he'll be in jail for the next 10 years. Even though I never got to see his face (since every time I went to court, it got continued) or hear him explain what he was thinking and what made him decide to break into my house, I am glad it's over. I am glad I don't have to waste any more time going back to court only to have nothing happen. In a way, I almost feel sorry for this guy. He was 18 when he committed the crimes, 19 now, so hopefully he will make the changes in his life he needs to make while he is in jail. He'll only be 29 when he gets out. Unfortunately, many times jail just makes you a better criminal, not a better person. But I truly believe that no one is beyond redemption and so I will be praying that God will use this time to change his heart.

Yellow Blue Tea Bag

2007-06-16T22:15:00.000-04:00

After Wednesday's disappointing court stuff, my week actually picked up on Thursday. Well, Thursday night. Work was kind of rough and stressful, but after work we had a fun rehearsal for the Music Team at church. And we were done early, which is always good. So after rehearsal I ended up getting invited over to a friend's house to hang out and watch a movie (actually, Pan's Labyrinth which is, of course, my favorite movie in the world.) I had let her and her husband borrow it and they'd started watching it but had never finished it. She'd told me she'd been bummed out all day on Thursday because she knew I had rehearsal so we weren't going to get to hang out this week. But then when we finished rehearsal early, it was still early enough to hang out. I really needed some friend time, too. She is one of my dearest friends and the kind of friend you can have deep, soul-to-soul conversations with, be totally honest with. And with both of us having stressful weeks, it was nice to be able to just sit down and vent to each other. And watch a great movie!
Today was a really fun day! I went to Busch Gardens with Oksana and Ilona, my friends from Ukraine. We had such a blast! I had been dying to go on the Griffon, which is the newest roller coaster because I am such a roller coaster fanatic. It was okay. Not as thrilling as I was hoping or expecting and it could have been scarier but it was fun. My friends also taught me some Russian, which was very fun. So I can now say "Come here, cute boy", "I love you", "I want ice cream", "I love chocolate", "How are you?", "Where is the bathroom?", "Where is the cute boy?", "Hi! How are you?" and "Cool!". A few other phrases too. And what is stuck in my head for the phrase "I love you" is "Yellow Blue Tea Bag", which is not exactly how it is pronounced but it is sort of similar. So that's what I want to say, but somehow "Yellow blue tea bag" doesn't sound romantic. I've decided I really want to learn some more Russian, though. I am just very fascinated by languages. But for now I am off to bed because tomorrow I'm singing with the Music Team at church and then I have a ton of stuff to do at home: laundry, cleaning my kitchen and bathrooms, weeding outside, other housecleaning. Bleh.
До Свидания,
Meg

This is not even funny anymore

2007-06-13T18:21:00.000-04:00

So I went back to court today, for the third time, for the guy who broke into my house last year. Once again the case was continued, so this still isn't resolved and I still haven't even seen him face to face.

I did find out that he was convicted of or pleaded guilty to his other 7 charges, inlcuding the firearm charges and I know for at least one of the charges he was sentenced to 50 years in prison, with 40 of those years being suspended. So I don't know if that means he is going to be in jail 10 years alltogther or if he'll get more time for the other charges. I guess I will find out whenever the new court date is scheduled. Hopefully that will be soon!

On a happier note, my tickets are booked for my trip in December to Nicaragua! I can't wait to go back and to plan Isamar's birthday party. I hope it is really special for her!

More pics from Nicaragua

2007-05-01T23:05:00.000-04:00

Isamar and me

Mileidy and me

Candida and me

Isamar and me

Fatima and me

Isamar and me

Xochilt and me

Gloria and me

Pics from Nicaragua

2007-05-01T22:59:00.000-04:00

Me and Klenis, one of the newer girls at the orphanage

Maryuri and Me

Jeni and Me

Jessica and Me

Erick, Candida (front), Erica, Aida, me and Fatima

Overdue Post

2007-04-27T22:09:00.000-04:00

I have again been neglecting my blog. I have just been feeling overwhelmed and tired by the time I get home each day so I have just neglected to post.
Nicaragua was awesome as usual. I will be posting some pictures soon. It was fun to surprise most of the kids (some of them already knew as my best friend's husband spilled the beans to Isamar and a couple other kids-I was REALLY not happy about that and for that and other reasons he is DEFINITELY not one of my favorite people) I got to be there for the week before and the week after Easter. The week before Easter was Semana Santa so the the kids were off from school. So we just hung out, played games, took pictures, studied for their exams, stuff like that. They went back to school the Tuesday after Easter so I helped out at the school my second week. I'd thought I would just be assisting the English teacher with his classes but he QUIT so I ended up teaching the English classes for 6th grade and up. That was an experience which deserves its own post! More about that later.
It's been really tough to be back here. I didn't have enough vacation time for my trip so I thought it would be unpaid leave but my boss told me if I wanted, they could pay me and I could make up the hours. So I have been coming in early, staying late, etc to start making up the hours. I still have a lot more to go, but it's worth it!
The day after I got home was the day of the shootings at Virginia Tech. That hit very close to home for me. I graduated from Tech in 1998 so it was so shocking that something like this could happen in such a beautiful and tranquil place that had been my home for 5 years. And so many questions now that we will never have answers to. All I can do is just pray for the victims, their family and friends, the students who went back, who didn't go back, who are trying to decide whether to go back, the alumni, the family of the shooter, everyone who was affected because so many people were affected. But I know that God is still there and He is still with the Hokie Nation, and even though we don't know why this happened, we can trust that He can bring something good from this.

Stuff from My Life

2007-03-18T21:36:00.000-04:00

I haven't updated in a while. I am sure all of about 2 people actually even read this but I felt the need to update. Here is what is going on in my life:

1. I will be in Nicaragua in less than 2 weeks from now. Yay!! I badly need a vacation from work. It's not that I dislike my job but the past couple weeks have been REALLY stressful as we have had more responsibilities given to us but the same requirements for getting everything done. So by the end of the day I am just drained. I need to get back to Nica and see all the kids and my friends. And the cool thing is the kids don't know I am coming! My first 2 days in Nicaragua I will be with my best friends' family and then I am going to the Orphanage and am going to totally surprise the kids. I'm going to be there the week before and the week after Easter so I think I will do an Easter Egg hunt for the youngest and middle kids.

2. I still want to move to Nicaragua but I just don't know how or when. I would need to find a job with health benefits, that is a definite must. And then there is figuring out what to do with all my stuff (sell it? ship it to Nicaragua? put it in storage?) same with my car, what to do with my dog Zoey because I don't want to be anywhere without her (I have had her since she was 6 weeks old and now she is almost 10 years old) but I am scared to bring her there, especially since all 4 of my best friends' dogs died of some weird illness. But I know all of that is just details which can be worked out and I don't know if maybe I am using those as excuses to not be working as hard at getting down there as I could because of my fear. Because it scares me to think about leaving my life here behind. I love Nicaragua and especially the kids with all my heart and I know it would be really awesome to be down there full-time with them. But it would also be really hard to leave everything here behind. Especially Spring Branch and all my friends there. They are like family to me and it would be hard to leave the Music Team, my Small Group, all my friends whose kids I babysit, just everything. But I also keep getting confirmation from others that maybe I should be moving down there. Last week my friend Dawn told me she's sure one of these trips I am just not going to come back but I am just going to stay there, and my friends Vinny and Betsy have been encouraging me for a few years now to find a job there.

3. I saw "Breaking and Entering" last night with Mark. I thought it was just OK, but not great. The acting was really good but the movie was kind of inconsistent and emotionally detached and lacked intensity. Tonight I saw "300" with Vinny. It was pretty cool visually. There was a family sitting behind us who'd brought their kids to the movie which really surprised me because this movie was in no way even remotely appropriate for kids. Teens, maybe but these kids were young. The oldest looked like maybe she was 11ish and the youngest couldn't have been more than 5. It was also very annoying because he kept asking questions, very loudly: "Mommy, who is that guy?" , "Mommy, is that guy hurt?" (after the guy in question had just been run impaled with a spear) "Mommy, which one is Spartacus? Is that one Spartacus?" to which the mom replied "Yes" when that character isn't even in the movie!. Arrgghhh. I really wish theaters would restrict very young children from movies like these. I know maybe it's just me who feels it's very irresponsible for parents to bring young children to movies like this but aside from that it's just really inconsiderate to let your child keep talking like that and keeping others from enjoying the movie. But I will get off my soapbox now.

Anyway, that's about all for now. Want to get some sleep before the week starts all over again tomorrow!

Is it Sunday yet??

2007-03-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

OK, I am SO ready for this week to be over! This has just not been one of the greatest weeks ever. For one thing, it's been extremely busy at work, we're just getting slammed and that makes my head hurt.
Then yesterday was the court date for the guy who broke into my house. I was really hoping that everything would be settled so I could put this behind me and get some closure. But *nothing* was settled. Besides me, 2 of the other people this guy had hit (one guy's car was broken into, the other guy had his house broken into) were there and so we had to sit in the Victim/Witness Room waiting while the Prosecutor was talking with the guy and his lawyer. We waited for a few hours, then the Prosecutor came back and said we could go home. Apparently he'd offered the guy a deal and he turned it down and is going to fight the charges. The prosecutor then said he was going to Noelle Pros the charges, which basically means he's dropping the charges until a later date. I am still a little unclear as to why, but it has something to do with the time frame a prosecutor has after charges are filed, and also something about getting a heftier sentence if he's convicted on some of the more serious charges first. So, the prosecutor is at some point in the next few months going to re-file the charges and there will be a trial but I don't know when. So it was another day wasted in court and I still haven't even seen this guy yet. At least I have been assured he's not getting out of jail anytime soon. He's in the local jail now and could be transferred to the State Penitentiary. It'll be a long time before he is out again.
And to add insult to injury, while I was waiting for all those hours, I got a ticket on my car for my expired inspection sticker. OK, granted I should have had it inspected, but, COME ON, REALLY??? Ugh!!!
So now I am just ready for it to be Sunday. I have to go into work on Saturday to make up the time I missed yesterday but Sunday I get to go to church, which always recharges me and see my friends there and then come home and just take a nap and veg for the rest of the day.
Hopefully next week will be a better week.

Stressful Week

2007-03-04T16:28:00.000-05:00

Once again the weekend has gone by too quickly. It's been fun, mostly. Other than going in to work yesterday for some overtime, that is. I went to see "Amazing Grace" with Noel, one of my friends from my Small Group and then we met up with Adele, another Small Group friend, for dinner.
Today at church a friend gave me an awesome Shrinky Dink she had made for me. It is awesome! She looked up the Nicaraguan flower online and then drew it onto a Shrinky Dink for me. That was so awesome and one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It meant so much to me that she would take the time to find something that represented what is so dear to my heart to make into a Shrinky Dink for me.
And tonight we have a Spring Branch Dinner Event. Basically, different families are hosting potluck dinners in their homes and people can sign up for one and bring some food to share and just spend the evening fellowshipping and eating (two things which always go well together.)
And tomorrow is the start of another week. I am a little apprehensive about this week. Not exactly dreading it, but I am a little nervous about Wednesday. That's the day of the trial of the guy who broke into my house. This will be the first time I'll be seeing him face-to-face. I still haven't seen him and I have no idea what he looks like. I am not even very angry anymore as much as I just want closure to this. I think part of what has helped dissipate my anger towards this guy is that I have been praying for him. I don't exactly feel sorry for him because he is old enough to know right from wrong and to know what he was doing was wrong, but at the same time it's sad when someone so young so completely ruins their life. He is only 18 and he is looking at spending the rest of his life in jail (for some charges he racked up while he was out on bail after being arrested for breaking into my house) and it makes you wonder what went wrong in his life that made him make such stupid and life-wrecking choices. So I have been praying for him that God can reach him through this and change him so if he ever does get out of jail he can be a better person and not just even more of a criminal. So I am just ready for Wednesday to be over. And Thursday after work I am going to a dear friend's house who I can talk to about anything, so it will be nice to just be able to de-stress with good conversation.

2007 Spring Branch Women's Retreat

2007-03-04T15:47:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we had our Annual Women's Retreat for my church. It was awesome! The past several years it's been held in Williamsburg but this year we had it in the Outer Banks, NC. It was nice because it was a somewhat smaller space, which gave it a more intimate feel. Also, instead of having a live speaker, we had a video of Beth Moore. I normally prefer live speakers to watching a video, but it was very cool anyway. I really love Beth Moore's teaching, and I got so much out of it! One of the things that has been hard for me as a Christian is that intellectually I know how much God loves me but moving that to my heart and letting Him love me to overflowing has been a struggle for me, especially dealing with self-esteem issues like I do. And the topic of Beth's teaching on the video was "Loving Well', one of her points being that we can't love others well until we allow ourselves to be well-loved by God. So I got a lot of take-aways that I am trying to work on now.We also had fun workshops to choose from during the day on Saturday. I went to one on Comedy Improv. It was so much fun! I can't remember the last time I have laughed so hard! And then we got to perform some of the improv games Saturday night. Very fun! And a few friends who no longer go to SBCC came out for the Retreat so it was awesome to see them and spend time with them again. Here are some pictures from the Retreat:

Dawn and me

Me, Andi and Katie, 2 of my roommates at the Retrat (not sure where our other roommate was at the time)

Jaynie and me

Lee Ann and me

Sandy and me

Fran and me at the Game Table

Monica and me

Unbelievable

2007-02-17T22:08:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday I got my subpoena for what I thought was the sentencing for the guy who pleaded guilty for breaking into my house this past summer. Today I got a letter from the prosecutor saying the guy had hired a lawyer and decided not to plead guilty after all. So instead of a sentencing I have to go to his trial. Ugh! I was just looking forward to getting closure on this. And while I am sure there is more than enough evidence to convict him, like the fact that they found some of the stolen property from the houses he'd broken into, even the mere possibility that this creep might be found not guilty and be back on the streets makes me nervous. Especially because he was charged with 4 counts of Displaying a Firearm in the commission of a Felony and also one count of Breaking and Entering with Intent to Rob/Rape/Murder while he was out on bond after being arrested for breaking into my house, 3 other houses and a car. I am just wondering what made him change his mind about pleading guilty. I'd assumed he was pleading guilty to the "lesser" 9 felonies so he could focus his defense on the more serious offenses, since he could get life in prison for the firearms charges. Hopefully it will be a short trial and they will convict him quickly and I can just totally put this behind me.

Pan's Labyrinth-possible spoilers

2007-01-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

On Friday night I saw one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. And I see a LOT of movies, at least 2 or 3 per week. "Pan's Labyrinth" (in Spanish with English subtitles) was one I'd been anxiously anticipating for a while now and so when it finally went into wide release I was very excited to go see it. The following may contain spoilers so if you have not seen the movie yet and/or don't want to know what happens in the movie, stop reading! :)
The movie is brilliantly directed by Mexican filmmaker Guillermo del Toro, who has directed American movies such as "Hellboy" (which I was not a fan of) and "Blade II" as well as Spanish-language films such as "The Devil's Backbone" (which I am also a fan of.)
For those not familiar with the plot, it is an "adult fairy tale" set in 1944 post-war fascist Spain. It tells the story of a young girl named Ofelia who goes with her pregnant mother to live with her mother's new husband, a sadistic, cruel and brutal Army Captain, in a remote military outpost in Northern Spain. He has been tasked with ridding the area of Republican guerrilla soldiers who are camped out in the mountains surrounding his headquarters. Upon arrival, Ofelia spies a dragonfly who later comes into her room, turns into a fairy and leads her to an ancient labyrinth on the grounds where she meets a faun who tells her she is a reincarnated princess from another realm and in order to return to her kingdom, she must complete three tasks before the full moon. From there, the movie juxtaposes the fantasy scenes of Ofelia's tasks with the real-life horrors of the world around her: her mother's poor health, the cruel treatment by her stepfather, and the escalating violence around her. She also befriends Mercedes, a servant of the Captain who is also aiding the rebels, one of whom is her brother. Ofelia keeps this fact a secret from her step-father, who tortures or kills (or both) anyone he even suspects is a rebel.
The movie is at once very dark, disturbing, violent (at times graphically so) as well as heartbreaking, haunting, beautiful, deeply moving and stunning. The visuals are astounding. The characters are wonderful (and at times wonderfully creepy, such as the baby-eating Pale Man.) This is definitely not a movie for kids and it definitely deserves its "R" rating. If I had seen this movie as a kid, I would probably *still* be having nightmares from it. The violence is intense and very hard to watch and at times I was definitely squirming in my seat and having to look away from the screen.
I will almost definitely see this movie again while it's still in theaters and plan on buying it when it comes out on DVD. It's a movie that has many layers and deserves more than one viewing. I am really hoping that it will receive recognition on Tuesday when the Oscar nominations are announced. Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay would all be well-deserved awards as well as the score, cinematography, makeup and costumes.
The acting was amazing all-around. Sergi Lopez was utterly detestable as Captain Vidal, Ivana Baquero was great as Ofelia without being cloyingly cutesy like too many young actresses lately. And I was especially impressed with Doug Jones who played both Pan and the Pale Man. In an interview I watched, he said he doesn't speak any Spanish. You definitely can't tell from his performance-he delivered his lines flawlessly and sounded like a native Spanish-speaker.
If you haven't seen this movie, I recommend it very highly. And if you have seen it, I am interested in hearing your opinion, so please leave a comment!

More Pictures

2007-01-04T01:11:00.000-05:00

Isamar and me

Zaida and me

Mileidy and me on Christmas Eve

Daniela and me on Christmas Eve

Xochilt and me on Christmas Eve

Back from Nicaragua

2007-01-03T23:35:00.000-05:00

This is going to be short because I am totally exhausted. My flight got in from Nicaragua around 11 last night but of course it was almost 2 a.m. by the time I got to sleep and then I had to work today. I still haven't finished unpacking and I really need to do laundry but I wanted to post at least a few pictures.
I had an amazing time in Nicaragua, as usual. Lots of new kids had arrived since my last visit and it was great getting to know them as well as spending time with the kids I already knew. And it was really nice to get to spend time with my best friend and her family.
Other things were sad, like finding out 5 of the girls I'd become friends with over the years at the orphanage had left (3 were kicked out and 2 decided to leave because they were unhappy at the orphanage) and also finding out that all 4 of Ivonne's family's dogs had died of some strange illness. But all in all it was a wonderful trip and I will be adding more pictures and posts soon!

Cute Kids

2007-01-03T23:03:00.000-05:00

Mileidy

Daniella

Xochilt and her brother, Panchito

Guilty

2006-12-11T00:23:00.000-05:00

So, Friday I went to court for the preliminary hearing of the guy who broke into my house this summer. He ended up pleading guilty to my burglary and a few others in the neighborhood. The prosecutor didn't offer him anything, so he got no deal, but I think he wanted to plead guilty to the "lesser" charges since he has some other pretty serious charges, and just focus his defense on the more serious ones I guess after he was arrested for my burglary and 4 or 5 others, he got out on bond and committed some more serious crimes. All together, he has 4 counts of Breaking and Entering w/ Intent to Commit a Felony, 5 counts of Grand Larceny (those were the 9 he pleaded guilty to); and then while he was out on bond he had 1 Conspire to Rob, 3 counts of Display/Use of a Firearm in Commission of a Felony, 2 counts of Robbery, 2 counts of Attempting to Rob and 1 count of Breaking and Entering with Attempt to Rob/Rape/Murder. So he could be looking at life sentences, at least for the firearms charges. I haven't gotten any of my stuff back yet, but I think some of it may have been recovered. My insurance paid me for it, so I would probably have to turn it in to my insurance company anyway. The prosecutor said I can go back to court for his sentencing in January if I want to, and I think I do. I never even got to see him Friday because he entered his plea before we had to testify. I did find out that he is 18 (as of June) so he is an adult and will be put away for a loooooooonnnnnnnnggg time!
I am just glad to have some closure to this, although I think it will be moreso after he is sentenced.
I am praying for him too because it's sad that at 18 he has made some really stupid decisions and as a result could end up spending the rest of his life in prison. I just have to remind myself that despite all this, God did make him and He loves him just as much as He loves me. That thought helps me not hold anger towards him in my heart. And I know that God has a plan and can even use prison to turn his life around. I hope he will be open to what God will be working on and that he will be able to turn things around. With the firearms charges, he could possibly get life in prison, but maybe he will get parole. I don't want to see someone rot in jail if there is a chance they can be rehabilitated and do something good with their lives.

This Sucks!

2006-12-04T23:48:00.000-05:00

OK, maybe I really need to just give in and buy a DVR recorder or TiVo instead of a VCR. I just hate to spend money if I don't have to and I don't even watch that much TV. But tonight I had to miss Heroes because I had an Arbonne team meeting to go to. So I set my VCR to record and then started watching it when I got home. Well, right at the climactic moment, the tape cuts off!! Arrrrggggggghhhh!!! I know I set the time correctly so I think maybe it was a glitch in the tape and I need to use a different tape next time. But for now I could just scream. So now I have to wait till tomorrow morning when I can watch the episode online to find out the end. Grrrrrr ...

Court Date

2006-11-29T22:11:00.000-05:00

Well, I found out my court date for testifying against the delinquent that broke into my house. The preliminary hearing is next Friday, December 8th. From there, I guess I will find out the date of the actual trial, which I am really hoping will be after I get home from Nicaragua in January. Actually, what I am REALLY hoping is that he will plead guilty and spare us all the trouble of even having to go at all. I mean, apparently they caught him red handed with stolen items from several burglaries, so maybe he will plead guilty and get himself a lesser sentence.
In other news, I have just over 2 weeks till my trip to Nicaragua! I can't wait! I am really hoping to be able to plan some special activities for the kids while I am there. The really cool thing is that they won't be in school because it is their Summer Vacation. They go to school from February-November and have their Summer Break from November-February. So we will have lots of time to spend together! :)

2006-11-14T23:12:00.000-05:00

I know I am horrible about posting here but life just has a way of getting so hectic. Things have been good, though. I turned 32 last week. Not too traumatic :). Monday was my actual birthday and my friends at work had a cake for me and decorated my cubicle, which was nice. I went out to celebrate Tuesday night with some friends. I'd won 6 passes to the advance screening of "Babel" so five of my friends and I went out to eat at a yummy Cuban restaurant and then saw the movie. It was a really great movie, too. My only complaint was that I was expecting Gael Garcia Bernal to have more screen time than he actually did. But it was really more of an ensemble cast and it was so well-acted, I think it could definitely be a contender for the Oscars. Definitely deep and thought-provoking.
And at the completely opposite end of the spectrum from deep and thought-provoking, tonight I saw "Borat". It was hands-down one of the funniest movies ever. I laughed so hard I was crying.
I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving. And in just a little over 5 weeks I will be in Nicaragua! :) I can't wait to spend Christmas at the orphanage and also get to visit my best friends. Some things will be different this time. My best friend and her husband are no longer together, which is a sad thing; there will be a new director at the orphanage; and also several new kids who I haven't met who have arrived since my last trip. And there will be lots of familiar faces. I can't wait to see everyone again!

Good News

2006-10-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

I am late in posting this, but the other week I got a call from the detective working my burglary case and they actually made an arrest!! I was absolutely stunned since usually only like 13 % of break-ins are ever solved. It was some guy from my neighborhood. No one I know but the detective told me the guy was responsible for several neighborhood break-ins. He'd already pawned my stuff, which is a bummer but at least they caught the guy. I still think it was more than one person, but if so, maybe they guy they arrested will give up the others. The detetctive told me I might be getting a subpoena to testify against him in court, but that lots of time it doesn't even go to trial 'cause they'll plead guilty. I am just glad that they got him and that he won't be able to do this to anyone else. I am still bummed that it happened but I got my dog back , which was most important to me, and the other stuff is just, stuff.

In other news, I saw The Departed this weekend and it is one of the BEST movies I have seen this year (and I have seen a LOT of movies this year.) Wow.

And next weekend I get to see The Science of Sleep. I can't wait!!

Movies

2006-09-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

So I really don't have anything deep or profound to blog about, so this will be brief. I am just very excited because my favorite actor in the universe, Gael Garcia Bernal, has 2 movies coming out in theaters over the next few months. The Science of Sleep is coming to our theater that shows the smalled, independent films on October 13. And Babel will be out in November. Plus, he is in The King, which comes out on DVD on October 10 and is already in my Netflix queue. I absolutely love his movies. I have seen him in Amores Perros, Y Tu Mamá También, La Mala Educación, Dot the I, Vidas Privadas, El Crimen de Padre Amaro, Los Diarios Motocicletas, Don't Tempt Me and I'm With Lucy. He has such a range characters he has portrayed and while some of his films are uncomfortable to watch, he just really draws you in.
I am such a movie freak. I usually see at least one movie every weekend in theaters (this week it was Jet Li's "Fearless"), plus I do Netflix so I normally watch at least 2 or 3 movies on DVD per week. I especially like the smaller, more obscure independent films and also foreign films.

My Neighborhood

2006-09-01T16:05:00.000-04:00

These are a few pictures of my neighborhood after Tropical Storm Ernesto came through overnight and this morning. I couldn't get my car out of my driveway this morning to go to work, and it's a good thing I didn't try because a few hours later, the water was really deep. I pulled my car up in my driveway, all the way up to my front steps, and now the water is almost up to my back tires. I think the rain is over, so at least the water shouldn't be rising any more. But hopefully it will go back down so I can get out of my neighborhood tomorrow. What a mess!

Pointless Post

2006-08-25T00:12:00.000-04:00

So it's been a while since I've posted. I've been neglecting my blog, but really there hasn't been that much to say.
I finally got my claim on my Renters insurance policy settled after the break-in, but then I discovered that more stuff had been taken. An MP3 player I'd only used once or twice since I bought it 3 years ago, my telephone (I'd gotten rid of my land line so I didn't even notice it was gone until I had to get my phone line reconnected for the new security system and went to look for the phone), a jewelry box that I'd bought in Nicaragua (it was handmade and really pretty), all my CDs that had my pictures from Nicaragua when I'd gotten them developed), and a stack of blank CDs. At least I can reopen my claim and add them back in, but I feel like such an idiot for not noticing they were gone until now.
I have decided I am getting one more tattoo. I am not sure when I will get it, but I want to get the Sancuanjoche, which is the national flower of Nicaragua, and the Guardabarranco, the national bird of Nicaragua. I'm getting Ivonne to design the tattoo for me. I think I'm going to get it on the back of my right shoulder.

My New Tattoos

2006-07-24T22:29:00.000-04:00

So these are my new tattoos. I got them both Friday night after work. I really like them and am very happy about them. The one on my toe hurt. A lot. But definitely worth it. My friend KT had referred me to the tattoo parlor and the artist who did mine. Because of that, Dave (the tattoo artist) didn't want to give me just a plain old daisy on my toe but wanted to make it really cool and special, so he didn the sky/grass background, which I love, and didn't charge me extra for it. Very, very cool. And I love the colors on the butterfly. The pictures probably would have been better if I could have used my digital camera to take them, but because my cameras were stolen, I had to use my cellphone camera. Oh well, they're not too bad.

The Break-in

2006-07-22T17:06:00.000-04:00

So my house was broken into on Thursday, while I was at work. I came home Thursday evening and noticed that Zoey, my 9-year-old Australian Shepherd/Beagle/Terrier mix, wasn't greeting me at the door like she usually does. The next thing I noticed was my sliding glass door was wide open. It still hadn't hit me at that point what was going on. I was thinking "Did I leave the door open this morning?" Then as I walked towards the living room I saw the living room window had been smashed in, the TV was knocked over, and a wrapped Christmas present that had been in my closet was now lying unwrapped on the floor. And then it hit me that my house had been burglarized. MY back gate was also left wide open, so I knew my dog had gotten out and that is what freaked me out the most. So I called 911, sobbing at this point and they dispatched an officer to come to my house. By the time he'd reached my house, he'd called Animal Control and found out that they had picked up my dog. THANK GOD!! I don't care about the other stuff that was stolen, but I don't know what I would have done. So Animal Control brought her back to the house and she seems totally fine, not traumatized at all. All in all, my DVD player, several DVDs, two cameras, my grandmother's pearl necklace, my Nicaraguan cell phone (which only works in Nicaragua), my Virginia Tech college ring and all the change in my change jar were stolen. I am most upset about the necklace, since that's family, and the ring as well because they both have more sentimental value but the other stuff can be replaced. I hopefully will be hearing from my insurance adjuster on Monday so I can get the claim processed. They haven't caught the burglars, but it was obviously some punk kids from the nieghborhood. For someone to fit through the window they broke, they would have to be pretty small. I hope they catch them. I am just incredibly pissed off that this happened. It's not about the stuff, but the fact that these little crapheads went through my personal stuff, and endangered my dog, which is the most important thing to me in the world. Zoey is not just a pet, she's family. And these little punks put her in danger. So I hope they catch them and if they do, I am going to press charges. At first I felt almost sorry for them because they're just kids, but you know what? I don't feel sorry for them. Not at all. I am pissed off at them and I want them to pay the consequences for what they did. They did more than just steal some stuff, they stole my peace of mind. Now I am more worried about leaving Zoey alone when I go to work. I am not overly worried about this happening again. I am taking steps to ensure my house is even more secure, but I feel very creeped out and violated that this happened at all.
But I am confident they are going to catch the jerks who did this.

The Emmys Suck

2006-07-06T22:31:00.000-04:00

The BEST show on TV, which, of course, is "LOST", didn't even get nominated??? Are those people smoking crack???

Random Nicaragua Stuff

2006-07-05T22:53:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, one of the candidates for the Nicaraguan presedential elections, Herty Lewites died suddenly of a massive heart attack. That just came out of nowhere. I mean apparently he'd had minor heart problems for a while, but just started feeling sick suddenly on Sunday, went to the hospital and a few hours later, BOOM. Unbelievable. He was the one all my Nica friends were going to vote for, so now they're saying they might not even vote at all. So I don't know what this means for the elections. I know our government is concerned about the possibility of Daniel Ortega winning the elections, because of his ties to Castro and Chavez, but hoepfully he won't win. Not that I think we should be intervening in their elections.
One thing that I have noticed about Nicaraguan politics, is that almost all Nicaraguans refer to their poitical leaders and candidates by their first names. Instead of "Ortega" or "Lewites", it's "Daniel" or "Herty", even the posters for the candidates that have been up in Managua have their first names. And when the ex-president of Nicaragua was sitting in the row behind us at the movie theatre, it wasn't "Alemán", it was "Arnaldo". Just kinda interesting, I think.
Apparently, Mi Familia, which is the Nicaraguan equivalent of our Child Social Services, has a new director who wants to stop all adoptions by foreigners and doesn't want to let any kids out of the country. I just don't understand that. if a child can have a better life being adopted by a foreign family, why not let them be adopted? Too many of these kids in the orphanages in Nicaragua are never going to get adopted, and when they leave the orphanage, they're going to end up having kids they can't care for, who are going to end up being sent to orphanages, and the cycle starts all over again. I just don't get that at all.
Well, enough ranting for now.

New Job

2006-06-25T21:59:00.000-04:00

So I finally started ny new job. I am working for another insurance company, so my experience and my license will help me a lot. Plus, they were cool when I told them I have plans to be in Nicaragua for 2 weeks over Christmas and New Years. It will most likely be at least partially unpaid leave, but at least it's approved.
I am not so thrilled with my hours: 10:30 a.m. -7:00 p.m. Monday-Friday. Over the summer it's not such a big deal to work till 7 but once New Community and my Singles Small Group start up again in the fall, I would like to be able to get off earlier. We'll see. Maybe they can work with me.
I also started my Spanish lessons today. My friend Roger, who is from Nicaragua, is teaching me. I already know a lot, which makes his job easier, so he'll help me polish up what I already know and hopefully I'll be closer to being fluent. My goal is to get my TEFL certification and be able to move to Nicaragua by next summer. So if I can be certified in TEFL and fluent (or almost fluent, at least) in Spanish by that time, that would be awesome :)

2006-06-17T23:45:00.000-04:00

Ivonne, her husband Pancho and their daughter Andrea. Aren't they a beautiful family?

2006-06-17T23:40:00.000-04:00

Sujapa, the other new girl at the orphanage. She has really bad burns over most of her body because the woman who was "taking care" of her (not her mom, because her mom doesn't want anything to do with her) burned her badly. She has also never been to school and has lived most of her life on the street. So she knows all the bus routes in Managua, but she doesn't know her colors or letters or numbers and she can't read or write. Hopefully she'll be able to get caught up.

2006-06-17T23:38:00.001-04:00

Volcán Concepción on Ometepe Island.

2006-06-17T23:35:00.000-04:00

Ivonne and me on the beach at Ometepe Island. Yes, that is black sand, because it's volcanic. There are two volcanoes on Ometepe; one is active, the other isn't.

2006-06-17T23:31:00.000-04:00

The preschoolers dancing for Mother's Day. They were so cute in their traditional dresses. They also all had balloons stuck under their dresses to make them look like they had big butts. It was hilarious!

2006-06-17T23:28:00.000-04:00

Me in front of the statue of Augusto Sandino at Loma Tiscapa in Managua

2006-06-17T23:26:00.000-04:00

Isamar, "my" kid at the orphanage, who is just getting more and more grown up each time I go back.

2006-06-17T23:23:00.000-04:00

Fatima, playing with handpuppets (which, by the way, make the most annoying quacking noise when you open and close their mouths)

2006-06-17T23:22:00.000-04:00

Another cute one of Daniella, the new girl.

2006-06-17T23:20:00.000-04:00

Cristina, dancing at the school celebration for Mother's Day (May 30 in Nicaragua)

2006-06-17T23:17:00.000-04:00

Coco, one of the kids at the orphanage. She was abused prior to coming to the orphanage several years ago, and she is also severely learning disabled, but she is learning to talk and write and she is a really sweet and affectionate kid.

2006-06-17T23:14:00.000-04:00

Brad, a really cool musician who was visiting the orphanage and hs such a heart for the kids and the people of Nicaragua. You can check him out at www.braddigan.com

2006-06-17T23:10:00.000-04:00

The sister of one of the orphanage girls with her 11-day-old baby. At the time, he didn't have a name yet, but his mom was considering Dilan (pronounced Dylan)

2006-06-17T23:06:00.000-04:00

Aby, Ivonne, me and Jenny (the oldest girl at the orphanage)

2006-06-17T23:03:00.000-04:00

My best friend, Ivonne, and me on Ometepe Island.

2006-06-17T23:02:00.000-04:00

How many kids can you fit in a taxi??

2006-06-17T22:57:00.000-04:00

Me, Ana Daysi, Victor, Isamar, Ashley and Danillo at Pizza Hut. Ana Daysi had invited Ashley (another North American staying at the orphanage) and me to come back in September for her 15th birthday (in Latino culture that's like our "Sweet 16") but since neither of us can come in September, we took her, her two brothers and Isamar to Pizza Hut to celebrate early. We even had the servers sing Happy Birthday to her!

2006-06-17T22:54:00.000-04:00

Daniella, one of the two new girls who came to the orphanage while I was there. She's 3 years old and had been living on the streets in Managua. Isn't she just precious?

I'm Back

2006-06-17T22:44:00.000-04:00

I got in late Sunday night and just haven't felt like posting. This always happens whenever I get back from Nicaragua, I go through this depression. I am just not motivated to do anything, although I have a ton of stuff to do, laundry, cleaning, finishing unpacking, job searching (although I do have an interview on Monday). I just miss my friends and the kids so much. And, I am not going to be able to go back until Christmas, most likely.
I am hoping by May to be ready to move down to Nicaragua. If I can find a good TEFL program, by then I should be certified and that gives me plenty of time to figure out what to do with all my stuff (ship it? store it? sell it?) and find new tenants for my parents, since I am renting my townhouse from them.
I just don't know if a classroom-based TEFL program is better than an online one, or if it really mattters when it comes to getting a job. I just have been having a hard time finding a classroom-based program in my area. A friend I met in Nicaragua, who lives in Costa Rica, said she did a month-long class in Nicaragua that was awesome and she is now certified to teach English as a Foreign Language anywhere in the world, and the class is only $1500. But I can't afford to go to Costa Rica for a month and not have employment, so that's not really an option. There are some online courses that say they'll certify me to teach anywhere worldwide and the courses are only about $500, but I don't know if they'd be any less credible than a classroom-based course. So I have my research to do.
In the meantime, I'll be posting some of the pictures from my trip.

Still in Nicaragua

2006-06-05T11:09:00.000-04:00

So I have been here 3 weeks, and have 6 more days before I head back to the States. I have tried to update my blog a few times since I´ve been here, but each time I tried, there was a power outage and I lost everything I´d typed, and then it would be another 3 or 4 days at least till I could get back to an internet cafe. Oh well, such is life in Nicaragua.
I am having a great time here and am not ready to come home. I love hanging out with the kids, helping them with their homework, playing jacks, sitting and talking with the older girls, picking mangoes and mamones, etc etc etc. Once I get home and have more time to write, I´ll do more detailed posts of everything that´s been going on at the orpahanage.
On Thursday we got a new kid at the orphanage. Daniela is 3 and she´d been found living on the streets in Managua. She is just precious and I so want to put her in my suitcase and bring her back to the States!
I spent a week at Ivonne´s house with her family and that was awesome. Ivonne, Pancho, Silvia and I have been to the movies a few times. The new theater at the Las Galerias mall is AWESOME! We sat in the VIP section for the Davinci Code and it was so great. It´s only like $7 for the non-matinee shows and you sit in these like LaZBoy recliners that have the footrest that come up and you can recline all the way back. I have not seen any movie theater that nice in the States. When we went to the Davinci Code, Arnaldo Aleman, the ex-President of Nicaragua, was sitting in the row behind us. I´d thought he was in jail or at least on house arrest because of corruption during his presidency (he stole LOTS of money) but apparently he can be out and about, he is just not allowed to leave the country.
So I have decided I think I am going to get my TEFL certification when I get back to the States and then move here to teach English. I think it will be easier to find work here if I can teach English, and getting my TEFL would probably be faster than getting certified to teach elementary school, and less expensive. So once I get back to the States, I have a lot of decisions to make.
Well, my internet time is almost up. Don´t know if I will be able to do another entry here before I come home, but I will give a more thorough update when I get home. Adios!

My New Obsession

2006-05-04T23:26:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I hardly ever watch TV. Movies, yes, because I have a subscription to Netflix, bur actual TV shows, not so much. Used to watch ER for years but it's been at least 8 months or so since I watched that. Sometimes I'll watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I just don't have time to watch much TV. So the last thing I needed was to get hooked on a TV show. But for our Easter series at church, it was a "Lost" theme and for our actual Easter service the drama was also based on the TV show, with our actors playing the characters. So that got me curious about it, but seeing as it's already the second season and the end of the second season at that, I was way far behind and out of the loop. But this past Sunday my cousin loaned me the 1st season on DVD and I actually just finished watching it today. Yes, I got through the entire season in less than a week. I am totally hooked!! This is like the best show ever!! The problem is that the second season doesn't come out on DVD until Sept 5 and I need to watch the second season before I start watching the 3rd season, which I am assuming will start in Sept or Oct. So my mission is to track down the whole second series before then. Problem is I don't have any way to record them because I just have a regular DVD player, not a recorder, and I don't have a VHS anymore because I gave it to my best friend in Nicaragua. So if anyone reading this has any suggestions, please let me know! :)

2006-05-02T00:56:00.000-04:00

I took this picture at Ground Zero this weekend. It's not a great picture, but you can see the cross what was formed from some of the beams from the building. I guess when the WTC collapsed, the beams were standing in the shape of the cross like that, so they left it. It was really powerful to be there and see the empty space where the buildings used to be. Very sad. I was only in the city for an hour, so we didn't stay long at Ground Zero. I flew up to New York with my cousin Patti for our Aunt's Golden Jubilee. She's been a nun for 50 years so there was a celebratory mass and then a party back at the convent. Our flight got in early so we had a couple of hours before we needed to be at my cousin Mary's house so we went into the city to see Ground Zero.
The night before, I'd seen United 93 . I had not seen the Flight 93 movie that had been on A&E, so I have no way to compare the two, but United 93 did stay with me after I left the theatre. I cried a lot througout the film.

Maybe Next Year

2006-04-25T22:53:00.000-04:00

So I found out that now the only position available at the Nicaragua Christian Academy is for a High School Math teacher. That's so out of the question, for one because it requires a degree in Math or related area (like Engineering, etc), and also because Math was my worst subject. So it looks like moving to Nicaragua may have to wait till next year. I am still going to look into the American Nicaraguan School as well, hopefully I can line up an interview before I get down there. We'll see. If I have to wait a year or so before I move, maybe I can even study to get my teaching certification so I could teach elementary school. I've also thought about looking into what kind of certification would be needed to teach English as a Foreign language.
I still haven't found a new full-time job yet, but I need to do that to have something lined up to start when I get back from Nicaragua. I just don't know what I want to do. I don't know if I want to go back to Insurance again. I will just keep looking and Hopefully will find a great job soon. It would just be really great if that job could be in Nicaragua.

The Job Hunt Continues

2006-04-08T00:59:00.000-04:00

Well, I am still loving my temporary job. I really get to make my own schedule, work when I want, and that's great. It's pretty much a part time job, which means I can work at most 37 hours per week, but that's enough. Too bad it's only temporary. I'll probably be able to continue through May 15, when I leave for Nicaragua. I'll be in Nica for 27 days and I really hope to have something lined up to start when I get back. However, I am also applying for jobs down there, so if something comes through, I may be moving to Nicaragua this summer! Please send any extra prayers for me that this will happen! I am applying at the Nicaragua Christian School, which would be great if I got it! It's not much pay, but it's $700 per month plus they pay for housing. All the teachers live in 3-bedroom condos within walking distance to the school. They are NICE condos, too, with really huge bathtubs, and there is a swimming pool/jacuzzi and tennis courts on the grounds, and 24-hour security. And in Nicaragua you can TOTALLY live on $700 per month. The downside is that the school doesn't provide insurance, so I would have to get that through somehere else, maybe a Christian insurance company that gives insurance to missionaries. I don't know how my NF will affect that, but I DO know that if God wants me to go to Nicaragua, HE will make sure everything is in place that needs to be, so I am not too worried. But, if this can work out for me ... wow ... by the end of July, I will be living in Nicaragua!! Here's hoping!

2006-03-31T23:07:00.000-05:00

So I have been playing around with Google Earth, which is just so cool! A friend sent me the location for our orphanage in Nicaragua. Very cool. The pictures are like a year old, but how cool is it that you can find pictures of just about any location in the world via satellite? I am trying to find other places in Nicaragua that are important to my, like our church and my best friend's house. It's harder for Nicaraguan locations because they don't use normal street addresses like we do. I found my house very easily because I just typed in my address and zip code. But in Nicaragua, they use addresses like "from the statue 6 blocks south and 2 blocks west"
And speaking of Nicaragua, I booked my tickets today for my trip in May! I will be there for 27 days this time. I am bringing my resume with me because now is as good a time as any to look for a job down there and maybe I would even be able to move this summer. Maybe a teaching job, at the Nicaraguan Christian Academy or the American Nicaraguan School or maybe an admin job with Pharaoh's Casino or one of the nonprofit down there, or at the American Embassy. Who knows? If anyone reading this has any suggestions, I would love to hear them.

My New Job

2006-03-25T22:35:00.000-05:00

So I officially started working for Frontier Horizon this week. I am really enjoying it so far. It's definitely very challenging. I've never created a budget or written a grant proposal before but now I am learning how to do both. I feel a little lost but once I have more experience and feem more like I know what I am doing I know I will feel less lost. But even though I feel a little like I have NO idea what I am doing, I love it and it's a MILLION times better than working for my most recent employer. I am so much less stressed out. And the stress I do have is good stress because I am in a job that is actually challenging me, not stress over how I am going to be treated by my boss when I come into work each day. It is so wonderful to be working for someone who is probably even more passionate than I am about helping orphan kids and the impoverished in third world countries.
In other news, I saw "Inside Man" today. One of the best movies I have seen so far this year. Really excellent cast: Clive Owen, Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, Willem Dafoe, Christopher Plummer, etc. I think it's probably one of Spike Lee's best films. I really need to watch it again because the plot is very complex, but it's worth the cost of the ticket to see it again.

Home Again

2006-03-18T20:54:00.000-05:00

I am back from the Promiseland Conference at Willow Creek and I think one word pretty much sums up the whole experience. Wow.
Willow Creek is AMAZING! It's absolutely HUGE and so beautiful! I have honestly never been inside a church before that has escalators, a waterfall, a food court and a bookstore. Just amazing.
The conference was awesome too. Such great speakers: Bill Hybels, Reggie Joyner, Jack Groppel and Kennth Ulmer, to name a few. Worship sessions with Matt Redman on Wednesday and Rebecca St. James yesterday. But yet, even all of that is not the best part. The best part, the most amazing part, is what we get to be involved in here on earth building God's kingdom with His precious little kids. We get to teach kids about God's amazing love for them, and that is the most important thing we can do.
I also met a new friend at Willow, Barb K. We only got to talk for about 15 minutes before the New Community service Wednesday night, but it was very enjoyable and I hope to keep in touch. I also got to see my friend Eren and her family, who I hadn't seen since they moved away last year. It was so great to see them again!
After the conference ended yesterday we went to downtown Chicago to walk around, window shop and have dinner. We ate at Ed Debevic's, which was hilarious. The wait staff there are all very rude, but that's part of the act. I am not sure what our waiter made of us, since we told him we were a church group. He seemed to have the rudeness toned down with us. :)

2006-03-13T22:21:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow I am heading out to Chicago for the Promiseland Conference at Willow Creek and I am very excited. Not exactly thrilled at the weather report, but I'll deal. It has just been so beautiful here in Virginia Beach the past few days. Sunny and temperatures in the 80s. My kind of weather. This weekend I set up my hammock on the back patio (finally moved it out of my living room) and took a few naps out there on the hammock. Simply wonderful. Today my friend Louise took me out to lunch to celebrate the new world of opportunities that has opened up to me since I lost my job. We sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful weather and conversation. And tonight I took my roommate out to dinner for her belated birthday celebreation and once again we sat outside. It had gotten a lot windier so our napkins kept blowing around, but still so pleasant to be outside. Unfortunately, it looks like temperatures are going to drop back down to the 40s and 50s by the time I come back to Virginia on Saturday. Oh well, it is still March after all and so this is normal. And I know Spring is on the way and with it warmer weather again. :)
I talked for a while tonight with Ivonne. Her new job is still going well as is her English class. It's cool that we are starting to be able to have conversations in English now too. She was supposed to have a presentation today in her class but that got delayed till Wednesday. Last night when we talked she was practicing her presentation, though and she was doing great. It's funny, though, a lot of the things she finds most confusing about learning English are the same things I find really confusing too about learning Spanish. Sometimes I wonder which is harder to learn.

Maybe?

2006-03-10T01:22:00.000-05:00

My friend Donna passed along a wesbite she wanted me to check out: http://www.finishers.org/
It lists all kinds of missions opportunities throughout the world. Most of the positions are volunteer or raise-your-own-support type things but they do have some paid missionary jobs. I filled out the profile thing and so in a few days they shuold be sending me a list of possible matches with my interests and preferences. That would be very cool if I could get a paid missionary job that would let me live in Nicaragua. The only thing is that I would want to make sure that it wold still let me spend time with my kids at the orphanage and also Ivonne and her family. I really feel like eventually I am supposed to be living in Nicaragua, I just don't know if it is going to be sooner or later. I just have to keep praying about it and trust that God will lead me there in His timing for His purposes.
So this time next week I will be in Chicago for the Promiseland Conference at Willow Creek. It has occurred to me, though, that it is still March and that Chicago is not exactly the warmest place on earth. I am reading John Ortberg's new book right now and this is a direct quote from the book: "I lived for a decade in Chicago, which was founded when a group of people from New York said 'The crime and poverty are good but we'd like it colder'" I am not a cold weather fan. I could totally live with Nicaragua weather all year round. Give me nice and tropical and hot. Not cold. So if anyone who is reading this would like to send up a prayer for a sudden heat wave to hit Chicago next Tuesday-Saturday, that would be awesome! :)

Moving On

2006-03-09T01:10:00.000-05:00

I think I am going to file a grievance with my former employer. At first I wasn't sure about it. I don't know what I want to get out of it. Honestly, I just want to put them behind me. I know they are in the wrong and what they did was just totally wrong, but I just want to move on and leave them in the past. Even if they were to offer me my job back, there is no way I would take it. I don't want to even go back to pick up my belongings, they can mail those to me. But my cousin is encouraging me to talk with a lawyer and another friend of mine who works in HR is just appalled at what happened, and she said I should at least file a grievance. I may be able to get some kind of settlement or severance from them, and maybe it will keep this from happening to someone else. Like I mentioned in one of my other posts, every single person in my unit who has FMLA is on corrective action of some sort. So tomorrow I am going to call the Dialog folks and see what I can do.
Thankfully, I still get to go to Willow Creek next week for the Promiseland conference. I had told them that because of losing my job I wouldn't be able to go but they said not to worry about it, they want me to go, so it is taken care of. Wow. I know it will be an amazing experience and I am very excited. I have been wanting to get out to see Willow Creek for four years, since January 20, 2002, my first day at Spring Branch Community Church. And I have never been to Chicago so that will be fun. The conference ends Friday morning or midday so we're going to spend the rest of Friday sightseeing in Chicago. Fun Stuff. And I found out that Rebecca St James is leading worship for the 2 sessions on Friday. I've seen her in concert and she is an amazing worship leader. Lots of stuff to look forward to. Things are definitely looking up and I am just taking them one day at a time.

A New Day

2006-03-06T01:27:00.000-05:00

Well, things are looking better today. Vinny emailed me from Nicaragua and told me he's going to be able to hire me, at least temporarily. I don't know for how long, or how many hours per week, but at least it's something, and I am sure when he gets back from Nicaragua we'll go over specifics, maybe sooner since he said he would try to call me from Nicaragua. So that's something. It would be perfect if I could work for him till at least June, that way I can try to get something more permanent lined up to start when I get back from my trip to Nicaragua in May.
So I am not really too worried right now. I am going over my finances, figuring out where I can make some cutbacks, if I also need to get another part-time job in the interim I will do that. I am not really depressed anymore either. Honestly, it is a relief to not have to go back there. That place is poison and it was sucking the life and energy out of me. No, I think right now, I am just pissed at the situation. It's such a load of crap. If my performance was really as bad as my manager says, then why did they keep me there for FIVE YEARS and give me raises and bonuses every year??? (this year being the only exception, but that was after my manager started her witch hunt with me) I am just incensed that after giving them 5 years of my life they would turn around and treat me like this, just calling me to a meeting with my boss and her boss in an isolated room and then not even letting me go back to my desk for my things. The two of the them went back to my desk and brought me my bag, coat, cell phone and keys while HR was going over the outprocessing stuff with me. And they were supposed to pack up the rest of my stuff and get it in the mail to me this weekend. But I didn't even go back to my desk to say goodbye to my coworkers. After working my butt off for them for five years and 5 months, that is all the thanks I get? My old manager would never have done this, she was awesome and if I had been able to stay with her, I would still be working for them and may even still be enjoying it. Then again, the company itself had changed so much over the 5 years I was there that many people were becoming disatisfied. So it is definitely for the best that I am out of there now, and I guess if loyalty is what I am looking for, I can get that from my dog.

74 Days

2006-03-01T22:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I usually don't start my countdown until my tickets are actually purchased, but I hope to be doing that within the next couple of weeks, and Ivonne has asked me a few times how many days there are until I go back to Nicaragua. So I will be there in roughly 74 1/2 days, give or take a few hours. For a week of this visit, I am actually going to be staying with my Nicaraguan family in Managua and not at the orphanage. That's because the Executive Director of one of the orphan care ministries I volunteer for told me if I am going to be going on my own to Nica, then he doesn't think I should be at the orphanage when the team from my church is there. His reasoning is that he doesn't want people to start thinking that this organization sends people to the orphanage just whenever they want. Which is absurd for a few reasons:
1. When I go to the orphanage by myself, I am doing just that, going by myself. I am not going as part of any organization, just as Meg.
2. Because I go by myself, it's not like he even has to do any extra work. I book my own tickets, I make the arrangements with the orphanage as to where I will sleep, I do everything.
3. Everyone who is going on the trip in May knows me and knows I go all the time by myself to the orphanage. None of them care and none of them are going to start to insist on going by themselves just because I do. They know I have a special relationship with the orphanage and the people there.
4. These are people from my church who are my friends. I couldn understand if it was a group from another church and then it might be a little awkward to be there, as an outsider, but these are my people.
But whatever, it's actually probably better that I just go to Ivonne's when the team is there. For one thing, it will be awesome to get to spend that much time with my second family because they are really incredible people and they are so special to me. Also, we were planning to go out to Ometepe Island anyway that weekend, and it probably would look odd if I was with the team but then took off their last two days at the orphanage. And it will also be cheaper, because all I will need to pay for is my airfare and then maybe $50 or $75 for my room and board at the orphanage, which will free up more spending money. I defnitely want to chip in for food and stuff for Ivonne's family while I am there, but all in all I will still probably be spending less than $1000 all together whereas it would be closer to $1500 if I stayed with the team. So it's all for the best, it's just annoying to be told I can't be at the orphanage because people know I volunteer so much for this organization and therefore they might think that the organization sponsors my trips. It just makes me feel like I am being penalized for all the work I do for them. If I was justvolunteering only for my friend Vinny's orphan care ministry, it wouldn't even be an issue because he doesn't care when I go. Anyway, sorry to rant. It's working out better anyway.

Word of God Speak

2006-02-22T00:43:00.000-05:00

The retreat this weekend was awesome! Definitely one of thebest retreats we have had. Our speaker, Mindy Calliguire was wonderful and said some things I really needed to hear.
I have been "running laps around the room" way too much, trying to do everything, please everyone, because I know God wants us to serve others. But I was missing the fact that in all my running around and trying to serve, I was neglecting to do the one thing He really wants us to do, to just sit quietly and be with Him. So that is my new resolution, to take more time to sit quietly in His presence. I still want to be able to serve in many ways, and will do so, but just not to the point where I am wearing myself out physically, mentally and emotionally, and I will be able to say "no" without feeling guilty or feeling that I am letting someone down.

2006-02-17T00:16:00.000-05:00

I am excited for tomorrow! We're having our Annual Women's Retreat for Spring Branch Community Church. This will be my 4th year going and it's always such an awesome weekend. I am able to just get recharged and reenergized, get a break from all the stresses that are going on in my life. It's a lot of fun, too, to spend the weekend with 150 women from my church, all ages, all walks of life, who are there to grow in their relationship with God, and some just seeking to know Him. We have awesome times of worship, we always have a great speaker, we're going to have fun skits (I get to be in one of the skits), many of us will stay up late playing games and get far too little sleep, and that's okay too, because we have a lot of free time on Saturday and I just may even take a nap :)
And as the perfect start to the weekend, I get to have my Physical Therapy tomorrow, for my back pain. I LOVE going to Physical Therapy. It feels like being at a spa. I get to lie on heating pads for like 30 minutes, then we do the ultrsound treatment (that's not my favorite part, because it kind of tickles at first) and then the best part, the deep tissue massage. Normally I don't like back massages because I am VERY ticklish, but these massages don't tickle at all and they feel SOOOOOOOO good!!! Tomorrow is my last session, but I am going to see if my doctor can prescribe another round, because it is helping with the pain. Not as much as being in Nicaragua helps with the pain, but I am at least taking less of my pain meds than I was before this round of Physical Therapy. When I am in Nicaragua I hardly need my pain pills at all. Maybe like once every 2 weeks. Here, I still take them every day.
And a month from now I will be at Willow Creek for the Promiseland Conference. I am definitely looking forward to that. After wanting to go check out Willow Creek for the past 4 years, it will be like going to the Mother Ship :)

Happy

2006-02-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

I found out yesterday my best friend Ivonne has a new job starting tomorrow. I am so happy!
Neither she nor her husband Pancho has had a job since they left the orphanage at the end of September. It's been so stressful for them. They've been living with Ivonne's mom and helping out in the pulperia they have at their house (that's kind of like a corner store that many people in Central America have and run out of their homes, selling soda, cookies, assorted toiletries, etc) but they haven't been able to find a permanent full-time job.
But almost 2 weeks ago, Ivonne interviewed for a job at a bank, in the Human Resources dept, and after going through 2 subsequent interviews, she found out Friday she got the job. I am just so relieved for her, because I know this means a lot. She and Pancho have had to give up so much so that they could get by and care for their daughter Andrea. Now they will be able to breathe a little easier and put more money into savings so they can buy the house they've been looking at.
Also, as part of the new job, Ivonne will get to study English for free! She is very excited about that, and has already asked me to help her practice.
So things are really looking up for my Nicaraguan family and that is such an answer to prayer!
Also, Andrea has her 1st day of school tomorrow. Their school year is from February thru November. She'll be in her 2nd year of preschool. She didn't quite finish a full year of her 1st year, because she started late and then had to leave school when Pancho and Ivonne left the orphanage, but now she can go back, and she's going to be at a really good school. That's exciting because this kid is WAY smart. Scarily smart, and she talks way more than most 3-year-olds I know! :)

Cristina

2006-02-05T23:34:00.000-05:00

This is me with Cristina (standing next to me in the back row), a 16-year-old girl who lives in the orphanage, and her family, who lives in Managua in the shack behind us. Her mom (far left in the back row) sells bags of water all day in the market to support Cristina's 7 younger siblings, her older sister and her sister's 2 young kids, her older brother and his wife and their 2 kids as well as 2 other of Cristina's nephews who were abandoned. In all, 16 people live in the shack, 12 of them kids. They live very close to Ivonne and her family and Ivonne has been trying to help get the 7 younger siblings into an orphanage. Their living conditions are just terrible. So heartbreaking. Vinny and I had chipped in some money to buy food and supplies for them, so Ivonne and Pancho bought all the stuff and put it in a plastic tub (there was actually so much that what didn't fit in the tub filled a big sack as well), which I went with them to deliver to the family. We brought about 20 pounds of rice, also beans, pasta, powedered milk, cups, plates, soap, and Andreita even donated a lot of her old toys. The looks on their faces when we brought everything to them was just priceless. The kids all cam up and hugged me and had huge smiles on their faces. I am just praying we can help the kids more. Cristina's mom wants them to be able to live in an orphanage, since they'll be in a safe environment, have enough food, clothes and be able to go to school regularly. Ivonne has been working with Mi Familia, which is like the Nicaraguan equivalent of Social Services, and it's looking hopeful. Now the challenge will be to find one orphanage who can take all 7 kids so they can be together and we won't have to split them up. Ivonne had looked into Casa Bernabe a few months ago and was told no, because there was no room, but that was before the 8 kids got adopted, and 5 or 6 other kids have also left the orphanage (2 older girls who ran away, one of those girls' younger sisters, another girl who returned to live with her grandfather, and a couple older boys who aged out of the orpahanage. Plus, another girl is being adopted. So maybe there will be enough space for them at Casa. I pray for that to happen. It would be so much better for Cristina too if her siblings can be with her. She has been so depressed and wants to leave the orphanage. Two of the girls who are getting adopted and have left the orphanage are her cousins but they are really more like sisters and that is so hard on Cristina to have them leave. She has friends at the orphanage, but Brenda and Ivania were her closest friends. I really don't want her to leave the orphanage too, because she has such a better chance at life if she can stay and finish her education and maybe go on to the University. Her future is much bleaker if she goes back to the environment her siblings are in now.

2006-02-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

My family and me in front of their house in Managua

2006-01-26T01:17:00.000-05:00

Me, Gresel, Jamileth and Gretel (kids from the pueblo of Veracruz)

2006-01-26T01:03:00.000-05:00

Me, Ivonne, Andrea and Eveling at Laguna de Apoyo

Home Again

2006-01-26T00:56:00.000-05:00

This is going to be a short post because I need to sleep, but I will write a longer post later about my trip. I am a little sad to be home, but at least am comforted knowing I will be going back soon. It was a really awesome trip. Some of it was hard, like missing the kids who aren't at the orphanage anymore, and the usual knowledge that there are so many people I am not able to help who are in so much need there. I met new friends, including kids from the pueblo of Vera Cruz and from the dump. I spent time growing friendships I already have with my friends there, and of course, spent time with my favorite kids in the world.

Estoy Aqui

2006-01-12T17:46:00.000-05:00

It is so amazing to be back in my favorite place on earth! I am having an awesome time! I´ve gotten to hang out with my best friend/sister three times (the first night we got here, the following night and then yesterday she came with us when we took 20 kids to the lagoon)
The day we got here we went straight from the orphanage to the market to take about 100 kids feom 2 orphanages shopping for uniforms and backpacks. That night we had to be away from the orphanage for the evening since the team that was still there was having a special dinner with the kids on their last night. So we (me, Ashley and Wes-the other two Americans who are here) met up with Ivonne at MetroCenter (the mall) for dinner. Then Ashley and Wes went to pick up our friend Keren (the one who had visited the States from my previous blog) from the airport and I went back to Ivonne´s house for a while.
The next day we took kids from the dump and the refugee camp shopping for clothes. I´d thought Nueva Vida was the sadest place I´d ever seen but the dump is 100 times worse. It is so hard to fathom how people can live literally in a dump. I met an adorable little girl from the dump named Ruth. We sat together on the bus going to the market. She´s 8 and has a 10-year-old brother and 4-year-old sister. She was so sweet.
Yesterday we took about 20 or 25 kids from Casa to Laguna de Apoyo for a day of swimming, kayaking, sailing and for lunch.
Today in the morning we went shopping for clothes to give out to kids in the pueblo of Vera Cruz, where the orphanage is. The market we went today, Mercado Oriental, is the biggest market in Central America. I´d never been there before because I´d only ever gone to Huembes because it´s safer but Oriental is cheaper. It´s supposedly really bad, like 65% of all the crime in the country of Nica happens in this one market, but it was totally fine. I felt completely safe the whole time and we also had 2 Nicas with us.
After shopping we came back and gave out the clothes. We´d only had enough money to buy clothes and backpacks for 60 kids and there were still about 30 or so kids standind around watching. I felt so bad for them because they looked so disappointed that there was nothing for them. So after lunch we went to the bakery and I bought bread for the kids who we hadn´t been able to give clothes to.
Now we´re spending a few minutes here in the Internet place and then going out to dinner ´cause it´s Vinny´s last night here.
So that´s the short version. I will go into more details when I get home.
But here is a brief overview of the good, bad, shocking and just plain weird of my visit so far:

GOOD: Hanging out with my sister and family here. Now that she´s not working at the orfa anymore we were worried that we wouldn´t be able to hang out as much, but we have already gotten to, and we´re going to the beach on Saturday.

SHOCKING: Maria Cristina isn´t at the orfa anymore. Apparently she ran away to live with her boyfriend. She´s 15 and it´s so sad because she´s going to end up in the typical situation here of being a teenage single mom because her boyfriend will probably kick her out when she gets pregnant. I hope not but it happens all too often. The eventually, her kids will end up in the orfa just like she was and the cycle will keep repeating itself.

SAD: It´s just so hard to see all this desperate need around me and not be able to help eeveryone. I know it´s not realistic to even think I can, but it can get overwhelming.

WEIRD: eating at an Italian restaurant in Nicaragua. It was very good, but felt a little strange.

Okay, down to just 2 minutes so I will say Adios for now!

2006-01-08T23:15:00.000-05:00

In just a little over 12 hours, this is where I'll be! I am very excited! I can't wait to see my kids again. Hopefully some of them will be at the airport with whoever comes to pick us up.

And I found out that on Wednesday we get to spend the day at Laguna de Apoyo, a beautiful lake in an extinct volcano. There's a pool there and a nice restaurant so Vinny is taking me, my friend Bethany who is coming from New York, a couple other North Americans who are staying at the orphanage, my sister Ivonne and her husband and their daughter, and about 15-20 kids. It will be a blast and it is absolutely beautiful there. I have never actually been down to the level of the lake, but there is a beautiful overlook in Catarina that overlooks the whole crater and you can see Laguna de Apoyo from above. It's all mineral water so supposedly it has healing qualities.

I will try to post to my blog while I am in Nica and will put up pictures when I get back. Now I am going to try to get some sleep since I have to get up in less than 4 hours to go to the airport.

Adios!

So much to do ...

2006-01-06T18:35:00.000-05:00

and so little time. That's me, though, I am the queen of procrastination. I had intended to be a lot more productive today than I actually was, but I did manage to get a lot done. Had a meeting with a prospective Arbonne business builder and then got some ORPHANetwork stuff done and started packing the stuff for the kids. Tomorrow I need to see if I can get my other 2 dressers put together, finish doing laundry, finish packing the kids' stuff and write some more letters. I also need to go to the jewelry store my friend owns because she's donating some bracelets for the kids and she'd also sold some jewelry the kids made and has money for me to take to them. Sunday I am going to finish whatever packing remains and try to get my room somewhat neat. I like coming home to a neat room. But that's it, that's all the time I have. I am also at church till almost 1 on Sunday, then have to pick up my roommate from the airport in the afternoon and then go back to church Sunday night for our Singles' "Second Sunday". So I am not going to have much down time to rest during the day. That's okay, though, because I can sleep on the plane on Monday if I am not too excited :)
For now I am off to see "Munich" with Vinny and Mark.
Adios!

Quesillo

2006-01-04T19:33:00.000-05:00

I have been really craving quesillo today! That's my favorite Nicaraguan food. It's a particular type of cheese (called, interestingly enough, quesillo) wrapped in a tortilla with onions and sour cream. Most Nicaraguans eat it from a plastic baggie although sometimes just on a plate. I have the onions, which I bought last time I was in Nica. It's all chopped up and comes in a jar so it's not like regular onions you buy from a grocery store here. And I can make tortillas and regular sour cream is fine. But I can't find quesillo here in the States. Tonight I went to La Tienda, the Latino store I go to often, and asked for it but the guy hadn't even heard of it. Another man who was in line knew what it was though and said how much his wife loves quesillo. So we were both trying to describe it to the guy who worked at the store and he went to the refigerated section and came back with what he said was quesillo. But I am sure it wasn't. For one thing, quesillo looks like a braided mozzarella. This cheese was not braided but came in a big wheel of cheese. And it was REALLY expensive, like $32 for the wheel. Since I have never been able to even find quesillo here in the States, I have no idea how much it would cost here, but I know it is nowhere near that expensive in Nicaragua. I am tempted to buy some when I am in Nica and bring it back with me but I am not sure how it would survive the plane trip home. Oh well, my friend Keren promised to take me for quesillos when I am there next week and I am sure Ivonne and Pancho will as well.
I am nowhere near ready for my trip, though. I've done most of the shopping I need to do, which is a start. I bought a CD for Ivonne's birthday (Nichole Nordeman's "Brave" ) and also some Ghiradelli chocolates; a cherry/caramel/popcorn thing; a bag of chocolate covered almonds, peanuts, raisins and caramels and a bag of chocolate covered blueberries for the family to share. I still need to get a birthday present for Isamar, but I am thinking a nice journal and some chocolate, and I want to hit Dollar Tree for a bunch of candy and gifts for the rest of the kids at the orphanage. For myself, I just need to get makeup brushes since mine seem to have disappeared, and some travel toiletries. Yeah, I know it's bizarre that I would even wear makeup at all while visiting an orphanage in a third world country, but I do wear it to church and if I go out to dinner with my friends, and it's fun for the older girls and I to do each other's makeup. They really enjoy it. I need to finish writing letters to the kids, and also organize and pack all the gifts people have donated. I am really hoping it will all fit in one bag so I can use a suitcase for my clothes this time. I usually just use one of my carry-ons for my clothes, which is fine, but it can get heavy and I hate having to ask for help getting my bag into the overhead compartment, which is really difficult because of my back. So we'll see.
Well, I'd better quit procrastinating. I still have to put together the dressers My parents gave me for Christmas, write some more letters to bring to Nica, and do some packing. Thank God I am not working between now and when I leave so I have some time to get everything done.

Hello 2006

2006-01-03T17:30:00.000-05:00

As I look back over 2005, it was a pretty good year for me ... I got to go to Nicaragua 3 times, I met my best friend, started my Arbonne business, learned a lot, grew a lot. I am really looking forward to seeing what 2006 has in store. Hopefully more trips to Nicaragua (my first one coming up in less than a week from now!), seeing my Arbonne business grow, meeting new people, having new experiences. It should be an exciting journey.
I am very excited because I am finally going to get to go to Willow Creek, near Chicago, in March. I have been wanting to visit Willow Creek for the past 4 years, ever since I started going to Spring Branch. This past Sunday I found out there is a Promiseland conference in March and since I volunteer in the Nursery on Sundays and also help teach the MOPS class, I thought it would be good to go to the conference. I can't wait! :)

Prospero Nuevo Año

2006-01-01T00:53:00.000-05:00

So this is my first post of 2006. Tonight was so much fun! Betsy had a New Year's Eve party at her house for the kids from Ukraine who are here, and their host families, and her neighbors and other friends who are/have been involved with ORPHANetwork/Frontier Horizon. My friend Keren was there and I got to make a few new friends I hadn't known before. And I learned how to say "Happy New Year" in Ukrainian. I have no idea how to spell it because they use a different alphabet, but it was fun getting to wish the Ukrainian kids Happy New Year in their own language. :)

2005-12-30T20:07:00.000-05:00

It's been a really great past two days. For one thing, since it's a holiday week, we've had short work days. Only 7 hours, as opposed to my usual 2 10-hour days and 2 8-hour days. Short work days are a good thing, especially when we still get paid for a full work week :).
Also, my friend Keren is visiting the States from Nicaragua and we hung out the past 2 days. After I got out of work yesterday I went and picked her up from the church and we went to the mall. She'd gotten a pair of jeans for Christmas that she needed to exchange so we did that and also did some other shopping. Then we went to the Purple Cow for cheeseburgers and milkshakes and then met our friend Betsy and some Ukrainian orphans at the movies to see The Chronicles of Narnia, which I'd already seen but didn't mind seeing again since I wanted to spend time with my friends.
After the movie Keren and I came back to my house and we started watching The Passion of the Christ but by then it was almost 2 am and we were both really tired so we called it a night.
Today I took Keren to her first North American wedding. The daughter of my good friend Tammy got married today so Keren and I went to the wedding, which was really cool and a lot of fun. Keren said our weddings are pretty similar to weddings in Nica. After the wedding we went to my cousin's apartment for coffee. That was awesome since I hadn't seen Joni in almost a year. It was really great to get caught up and we have plans to get together again after I am back from Nica.
Keren couldn't come with me to the wedding reception since she was going with Vinny and the Ukrainian kids to the indoor water park in Williamsburg so I took her back to Vinny's and then headed over to the reception.
It's only 8:15 now but it feels so late, probably because I am so tired. And I have to work tomorrow. That kinda stinks since it's New Years Eve but oh well, it's only till 3:30 so I can come home and take a nap before Betsy's New Years Eve party.
And there are only 9 days, 16 hours anjd 10 minutes till I will be in Nica!! :)
I can't wait to see everyone again!!
I'll have pictures up soon of Keren and me at Molly's wedding today once my cousin emails them to me.

Christmas Eve Service

2005-12-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

I went to the Christmas Eve service at Spring Branch tonight. There was this great song they did, and I loved it. I wanted to post the lyrics here.

Here With Us (Joy Williams)

It's still a mystery to me

That the hands of God could be so small

How tiny fingers reaching in the night

Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Heaven's love reaching down to save the world

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Son of God, Servant King

Here with us, here with us.

Still a mystery to me

How His infant eyes had seen the dawn of time

How His ears had heard an angel's symphony

Still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Heaven's love reaching down to save the world

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Son of God, Servant King

Here with us, here with us.

Jesus the Christ born in Bethlehem

Baby born to save, to save the souls of men

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Heaven's love reaching down to save the world

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Son of God, Servant King

Here with us, here with us.

I love the words and the meaning they convey. I mean, how amazing is it that God loved us so much that he became one of us so he could save us? I lve the imagery of his tiny eyes having seen the dawn of time and his tiny fingers being the same ones that measured the sky. His love for us is so amazing ...

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

2005-12-19T23:46:00.000-05:00

Today is my Nicaraguan sister and bestest friend in the world Ivonne's birthday! I think she is out celebrating because I have been trying to call her all evening but have just gotten her voicemail. Which either means her cell phone is on the blink again or she is out. Hopefully it's the latter and tomorrow I'll be able to talk with her. If her cell phone is working she'll at least get my voicemail so she'll know I tried calling and hadn't forgotten her birthday :)
And in 3 weeks from now I will be in Nicaragua! Woo hoo!! :) It can't come soon enough!

2005-12-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

I am almost done with the candleholders! FINALLY!! It's taking me a lot longer than I'd planned but oh well, should be done soon. I ran out of hot water so decided to write here for a bit to let it come back some and hopefully then I can finish. There are so many of them but I nkow how beautiful it will look for our Christmas Eve service when they're all lit.
So three weeks from tomorrow I will be heading down to Nica!! I can't wait! I still doesn't feel real but it's starting to sink in that I am actually going!
And my friend Keren from Nica is here in the States!!!!! Actually in New York now and then I think she is spending Christmas with a family in Kentucky or Tennessee and then coming to VA Beach for the rest of the time. So hopefully she can stay with me a few days the first week in January. We're actually flying back to Nica on the same day, but she's leaving from NY and I am leaving from Virginia but we'll meet up in Atlanta and fly the rest of the way together.

Today was better

2005-12-16T20:05:00.000-05:00

Me, Ivonne and Lisseth after we'd colored each other's hair (Sept. 2005)
Today things were much better. I feel so incredibly blessed by the church community I get to be a part of. And God provided a few miracles so now I will be able to pay my bills and have a little left over in case of an emergency.
Last night I also got to talk with my best friend Ivonne for over an hour. We hadn't talked in a week so we had lots of catching up to do! I am very excited to get to see her and her family in just a few weeks. They are my Nicaraguan family. I've gotten to be friends with her husband, mom and sister as well, and her 3-year-old daughter Andreita is just the cutest kid EVER! They really welcome me in like family when I am there, cooking special meals for me as well as yummy Nicaraguan sweets. I can't wait to see them again! And of course all the kids! I miss them so much.
Right now my hands and fingers are totally wrinkled from washing about 3 jillion plastic candle holders. At church they asked for volunteers to take a bag or two of the candle holders home and wipe them out to get rid of the old wax. We're going to use them for our Christmas Eve service for the candle lighting part. Well, because I am so grateful for the help they gave me with my situation, I took 4 bags and another huge box of the candle holders. Yikes! I found that even when I wiped them out, it got rid of the big chunks of wax but there was still a yucky film left behind. And Jesus deserves to have clean candle holders for His birthday, so I just decided to go ahead and wash them all out by hand. I've gotten through 3 bags so far but still have another bag and the whole box. I am hoping to have them all done by Sunday but I am not sure how much more I can get through tonight b/c my back is really starting to hurt, and then tomorrow I am babysitting and I don't know how late. Hopefully they won't mind if I get them in by Tuesday.
Had lunch with my boss today at work. When you reach your 5-year milestone with the company you get to pick a gift from the catalog (I am getting a camera) and your manager also treats you to lunch. My 5-year anniversary was actually back in October but today was the lunch day. It was pretty nice. We actually had a very pleasant and enjoyable conversation. My boss can be a very nice person, she just intimidates the heck out of me as a manager. When it comes to non-work stuff she's really very nice.
Speaking of lunch, I just realized I haven't eaten since then, other than a few crackers. I should probably find something for dinner and then get back to work on those candleholders. Good times.

Ugh ...

2005-12-15T17:36:00.000-05:00

I am not in a very good place right now. I am a wee bit stressed out. I was supposed to be getting a paycheck tooday, and I am not. I was sick for about a week and a half of work and didn't have enough paid leave to cover it (Thank God I do have FMLA so at least I have the job protection at least, but it was unpaid leave) On top of that, apparently a previous paycheck had been mis-input and didn't reflect sick leave I had taken, so that was also charged against my paycheck, and well, it wiped the whole thing out. This is totally stressful to me because I usually have month left at the end of my money and now it's even double that. when I found out, I didn't know how I was going to pay my bills, refill my prescriptions, renew my car registration and get it inspected (both of which are overdue as it is) and finish buying Christmas presents for my family. I have a little bit of money coming in from my Arbonne business but last month was not a great month so it's not much that will be coming in. This is an especially sucky time to have something like this happen. You know, like "Merry Christmas, we're not paying you"
I am less stressed out than I was last night when I first found out, because I am very blessed to have wonderful friends and an incredible church community who came to the rescue. I will be able to pay the bills now and someone else donated the gifts I wanted to buy for my family, and I found out I don't have an insurance bill due this month, so things are better.
But it's hard for me ... I am not good about asking for help. I hate to do that. I don't think it's really so much of a pride thing, it's more that I feel that there are so many people who have it so much worse than me, so why do I deserve to be helped when they need it more than me. I know that's not a good way to think, because everyone has emergencies come up and situations when they need a little extra help.
I got to talk with Lisseth today and that was awesome! Lisseth is one of the older girls at the orphanage and a really amazing young lady. She's 17 and has lived half her life at the orphanage. Lisseth is responsible for helping take care of the youger boys at the orphanage and she is so great with them. We've gotten to be close friends over my last few visits. She put Isamar on the phone with me and so I got to talk with her too. I told them both I was coming in January so I am sure by now the whole orphanage knows :)
One sad thing I founs out is that Paky, one of the 10-year-old girls from the orphanage, isn't living there anymore. Apparently she went home to visit with her family and decided not to come back (either that or her parents decided not to let her come back, I am nor sure which is the case). :( I am very sad about this, she is such a sweet kid. On my visit in January, Ivonne let me have a sleepover at their home with about 10 of the kids. We all slept in their living room on mattresses on the floor. I ended up being up almost all night with Paky because she had a really bad toothache. She couldn't stop crying because of the pain. She kept apologizing over and over for keeping me up, which was so sweet that she was concerned about that when she was in so much pain. We took her to the dentist the following day and she ended up having to have the tooth pulled. It was just so sad to see her so quiet and sad all day. She is normally a little fireball of energy and all smiles.
It will be sad to not see her anymore at the orphanage when I go back there. I hope she can return someday.

25 days, 21 hours, 37 minutes, 51 seconds

2005-12-14T14:49:00.000-05:00

I am still so very excited about my upcoming trip and yet it doesn't feel real yet that I am actually going. Maybe because of all the stress and busyness of the season. When I am on the plane, it will definitely feel real then.
The only "downside"was that coming back, I have an overnight layover in Atlanta. I get into Atlanta at 6pm on January 23rd but then my flight out of Atlanta isn't till 2:15 the next day. I was just going to see if I could get on standby on an earlier flight so I can be home on the 23rd. But I'd emailed a friend of mine who moved to Atlanta last year and mentioned I might be having an overnight layover and she immediately emailed me back and invited me over to their house to stay over and have dinner with them and then she would bring me back to the airport the next day. So I think I am going to take her up on the offer. I haven't seen Debbie and Mike for over a year so it would be really nice to catch up with them, and I don't have to work the next two days so if it takes me an extra day to get home, I can live with that. So really the layover turned out to be a blessing!
It also looks like one of my best friends from here might be coming with me to Nicaragua. I hope so. She's never been before and it's always great to see how much people are just blown away by their first visit there. So fun! :)
All I want to do right now is take a nap but I can't. I have to leave in about 5 minutes for an Arbonne meeting with my sponsor and my new Buisness Builder I am signing on today, then it's back up to the church to do some volunteer work, then we have our New Community service tonight for Christmas Carols and Communion and finally a mandatory Music Team meeting before I can come home, take a hot shower and fall into bed. I had a bad bout of insomnia last night and so only slept about 3 1/2 hours so I am just a zombie right now. Hopefully that just means I'll sleep like a baby tonight :)

Wheeeee!!!!

2005-12-13T15:03:00.000-05:00

I AM GOING TO NICARAGUA!!!!! A friend of mine who is undoubtedly the most generous person in the Northern Hemispehere is buying my ticket in exchange for my helping out on a project he is working on. I am so giddy with excitement right now! :)

Isamar's Birthday

2005-12-12T23:48:00.000-05:00

Today I was very sad that I couldn't be in Nicaragua. It's Isamar's 13th Birthday. My sweet little girl is a TEENAGER now! I had really wanted to be there for her birthday and I know she had been hoping for that too, but it didn't work out this year. I am hoping and praynig that this time next year I will be in a financial position to be able to take an extended vacation in Nicaragua and spend Christmas with all the kids and be there for Isamar's birthday and the other kids who have December birthdays. It's looking a little more hopful for me to be able to go for a short time in January (just a week or two but that's okay, it'll be great to go at all!!). I am soooooo praying for that to happen. I miss the kids and my friends so much! Sometimes it physically hurts to think about how much they all mean to me and how much I wish I could spend more time with them.
Things are good, though. Work hasn't been horrible, I saw "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" on Friday night and really liked it and then I even found my Narnia Chronicles that I'd been tearing apart my house looking for and have started reading those again. And the mom of my favorite kid from the Nursery at church called me today and asked me to babysit on Saturday night. So that'll be cool. He is such a good baby. Very happy and esy going and his brother seems like a good kid too. I don't know his brother at all since I just take care of the infants on Sundays at church.
Tomorrow night is the Music Team Girls' party for all the female vocalists (not sure why we didn't include the guys. I think just because there aren't that many of them and they might be doing their own thing anyway). So it's a full and busy week. But tomorrow I get to sleep late because I am off. It's so wonderful to not have to set my alarm and to just wake up when I feel like waking up. I love that!

Carta Para mi Mejor Amiga

2005-12-07T22:41:00.000-05:00

I told my best friend about my blog so hopefully this will be a nice suprise in my otherwise all-English blog ...

Ivonne-
Estoy tan agradecida a Dios y a ti porque nunca en mi vida he tenido una mejor amiga. He tenido muy muy muy buenas amigas pero no he tenido una MEJOR amiga como tú. Estoy tan agradeicida a Dios por te llevando en mi vida (y también mi en tuya) y estoy agradecida a ti por me aceptando como tal soy aunque tengo muchos defectos.
Estoy tan afortunada y contenta tener una mejor amiga quien es una persona:
Quien tiene un enorme corazon ...

Que tiene mucho amor para Dios, para su familia y para sus amigas ...

Quien tiene mucha compasión por todos las personas ...

Quien es tan linda en el exterior y más importantemente es tan linda en el interior ...

Quien es muy comprensiva conmigo. Aunque hablamos idiomas diferentes, eres paciente conmigo y me entiendes en todo, mis pensamientos, emociones, sientos y todos ...

Que es una incondicional amiga para mi, aunque tengo tantos defectos ...

Quien me ama incondioncalmente, a pesar de nuestras diferencias ...

En quien puedo confiar en todo, todos mis secretos ...

Con quien puedo contar, no importa que pasa ...

Quien puede me hace reír, incluso cuando me siento como llorando ...

Con quien puedo hablar, cantar, comer helado de coco, reír y también llorar ...

Con quien he compartido muchos lindos momentos y si Dios quiere, vamos a tener muchas más lindas experiencias por compartir ...

Quien amo más profundamente, como una hermana del alma ...

Quien es mi mejor de las mejores amigas y es una amiga que NUNCA voy a olvidar, por el resto de mi vida ...

Estas son algunos razones pero hay miles de razones. Pero, todos la cualidades que tu tienes que te hacen la mejor amiga en mi vida, deseo tener estas cualidades también. La verdad es que quiero ser esta tipa de amiga para ti que sos para mí. :)
Amistad verdadera es rara en este tiempo. Muchas personas dicen que ellas son tus amigas pero entonces, ellas te tracionan. Pero, yo confio en ti y en nuestra amistad y nunca voy a tracionarte, te prometo.

GRACIAS PARA TU AMISTAD. Dios te bendiga y cuidate mucho. Espero que te gustan las fotos de Pinky y las fotos de la hamaca y las preguntas interesantes y las caritas :)
Te extraño y te quiero muchisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisisimo
Mando muchos gran saludos a tu familia. Te mando un abrazo enorme. Zoey manda un besito para Pinky :)
Con Gran Cariño,
Meg

2005-12-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

My best friend Ivonne (the one who bought the hammock for me) and me in Nicaragua in September

My hammock

2005-12-05T18:57:00.000-05:00

I am excited because the hammock stand I ordered arrived today so I was able to put up the hammock my best friend Ivonne bought for me when I was in Nicaragua last time. It's really way too big for my livingroom so I am going to need to move the stand outside but it's too cold and rainy to do it tonight and I am still sick so I am going to leave it for a couple days more. I know I'm weird too but I don't want to leave the hammock outside. I know they're really well made and they're designed to be left outside and withstand rain and weather but I want to preserve it as much as possible so I am just going to leave the stand outside and only bring the hammock itself out when I want to use it. Nicaraguan hammocks are the BEST! They're sooooooo comfy and cool looking too. Mine is especially special because it was a gift from my best friend, who is Nicaraguan. She was working at the orphanage when she bought it for me and I know it wasn't cheap for her, but she really wanted to get it for me. In fact, on my last trip before that, I had bought a hammock but Ivonne told me to give that one away because she wanted to buy me one on my next trip. So I gave that one to some friends who had just bought their first house, as a housewarming present. And then when I went to Nicaragua in September, Ivonne took me to the marketplace and bought this one for me. So many Nicaraguuses are like that, even though they have so little, they are so generous and giving. Like Ivonne, like her mom who cooks special lunches for me when I am in Nicaragua, like Isamar, my "hija" at the orphanage who gave me this really beautiful butterfly pin that I wear every day because it makes me think of her, like Luisa, a 89-year-old woman who lives in the same pueblo as the orphanage in a tiny one-room shack with her granddaughter and two great grandsons with no running water or plumbing, just a pump outside. I met her about a year and a half ago when I was in Nicaragua with a team and she gave us these beautiful flowers she had made herself from dyed cornhusks. She wouldn't take any money from us, nust just wanted to give them to us. And my friend Paula who works at the orphanage. She is a single mom with an adorable 8-year-old son, Saul. She hardly makes any money at the orphanage but before I left, she told me that when I come back next time she is going to make bunelos for me (they're my favorite Nicaraguan dessert) I could go on and on because there are just so many examples of how the Nicaraguans I have met are just so warm and loving and giving. I miss Nicaragua and my friends and the kids sooooooooooooo much. I can't wait to go back, but I don't know when that will be. Maybe, hopefully, in January, but I don't know for sure.
I also found this interesting article: http://www.nicanet.org/Katrina_and_Mitch.php It's a comparison of Hurricane Mitch 7 years ago in Nicaragua and Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans this year and the hadling of the hurricanes, especially in how the poorest people were affected. Definitely an interesting read and I agree with a lot of what was said.

Randomness

2005-12-05T02:17:00.000-05:00

It's after 2am and I can't sleep. I am still sick, actually sicker than I was on Saturday, so I have already called out for work tomorrow. UGH! I hate to miss any more work, but I njeed to rest and sleep off whatever this is. I cam home from church today and slept for a few hours and then went to bed at 9 and slept another 2 hours, which is probably why I can't sleep now, plus my stomach is really upset. So I took two Tyenol Simply Sleep and am drinking a Ginger Ale and I figure I would just write in my blog till I am sleepy again.
I keep meaning to write about this here but have forgotten to until now but I found out some really cool news. *EIGHT* kids from the orphanage are getting adopted!!! One family is taking all 8 of them, which is incredible. The family lives in VA but they're moving to Nica for 2 years to help the adoption process and then will bring the kids back here. So Brenda and Ivania, Vanessa, Manuel, Elizabeth and Eveling and also Kevin and Helena are getting adopted. I am pretty sure all the kids except Helena have parents. She has cerebal palsy and was abandoned so no one really knows anything about her family. And I think Kevin's parents live in the eastern part of Nicaragua (not Puerto Cabezas, but maybe near there?) I know the four Hernandez kids have their Mom in Managua (not sure about their Dad) and Brenda and Ivania have at least one of their parents in Managua. It's so perfect how this os working out for them. Teh adoptive family is really connecting with the birth parents and the kids will still be able to have that connection to their birth parents even when they move back here. The adoptive parents even led the four Hernandez kids' Mom to a relationship with Christ. How awesome is that?!? I can't even imagine what that must be like for those parents to first of all send their kids to live in an orphanage because they can't afford to care for them, and then to allow them to be adopted knowing that in 2 years they'll be leaving the country. It's so hard to fathom and yet that is the reality for too many families in Nicaragua (well, at least the sending their kids to live in an orphanage part, I think adoption is definitely a lot rarer). I'd say probably more than half the kids at Casa Bernabe are social orphans who stil have at least one of their parents still living. And those kids are the "lucky" ones. Too many other kids are working in the marketplace selling gum, cigarettes, bootleg CDs and DVDs, whatever else, or literally working in the middle of the streets at intersections washing people's windows when they're stopped at the traffic lights, or, even worse, are prostituted by their parents. There is one girl who used to live in the orphanage off and on, who doesn't live there anymore, who we are afraid is in that situation. It really makes you stop and realize how good we have it here, and how good most American kids have it. And for those who complain that we have poverty right here and you don't need to go to a third world country to find poverty, well, that's right, we do have poverty here, but it's nothing like having the majority of the country living in poverty. Especially this time of year when we are inundated with ads for toys and gadgets and other "must-have" gifts, it just makes me sick. While so many kids here will be whining and begging to have the latest MP3 player or Xbox or whatever, many, many many kids will be waking up in a home with dirt floors, or literally in a dump, or living on the streets. We are just so materialistic overall as a country that sometimes it really makes me ashamed. I saw on the news the other week how people were literally trampling each other over the new Xbox. I mean, come on people, IT'S A FREAKING VIDEO GAME STATION!!! Is it really worth risking serious injury for?? And for what you would spend to buy one of these video game players, a family could pay for maybe even like 6 months worh of food!!
I know this girl from my church, who is in her first year of college and she is just awesome. For the past 3 years (well, this will be her 3rd year) she has asked not to get any Christmas presents, but just to be able to go to Nicaragua and spend Christmas with the kids at the orphanage. We both got to go the year before last and it was the best Christmas I ever spent. I wasn't able to go last year or this year because of work, but I hope next year I can again. When you get away from all the materialism and glitz that we make Christmas into here, it really reminds you of what Christmas is really all about. And to see the kids just so happy that you're there with them and how they're so grateful for every little thing you do for them, I can't even imagine a better way to spend Christmas. So anyway, I know there are other kids like Summer, who are willing to "give up" Christmas presents and who are all about helping others and being a light like that to other people. And I know there are tons of people aho do su much and give so much of their time, money, talents and other resources to help people in need here and abroad. I guess this time of year I just get disgusted with the materialism of society as a whole, or at least the materialism our society presents. It really makes me wonder how the kids must view North Americans as a whole. A while back, someone had donated a Satelite TV system to the orphanage (how difficult is that to picture: kids whose primary meals are rice and beans, who live in an Oprhanage in a town that has only gotten its first phone lines within the past year who watch Satellite TV??) and when I was there last, a bunch of the kids watched Desperate Housewives. It was actually hilarious how they would "police" themselves and shut the doors to the entertainment center during all the "sex" scenes. But it kind of freaked me out (for one thing because if the orphanage director even knew they were watching that show she would have a heart attack) because if the kids are watching this kind of show, what must they be thinking about our society? It must be confusing for them, because on the one hand they have all these missions teams coming to spend time with them and they know people donate money and stuff to the orphanage but then they see shows that present materialsim and selfishness and a mentality of doing whatever you want as long as it makes you feel good. I know they must think we all have money, and comparitvely we do. I am not rich by US standards but when I am in Nica I am abe to do a lot with the money I do have, like being abke to buy enough food to throw a barbecue for the whole orphanage and feed beef, salad, beans, plantains, dessert and beverages to 77 kids and spend just slightly over $100. But sometimes I wonder if they think the majority of us there in the US live like what they see on TV.

Sick

2005-12-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

Well, I am home sick again from work. Ugh. I was out all week because of my back and was planning to go back today but woke up with a killer cold so I have been sleeeping and drinking lots of OJ. I am starting to feel a little better now. I need to go go back to work on Monday, I can't afford to miss any more since I have used up all my paid time off.
I do have my next round of MRIs scheduled for this week. I went ahead and scheduled all three for the same date. Which means 2 1/2 hours in the tube. Not fun but at least I'll get it over with. Then I have my appointment with Dr. Vincent the following week so hopefully I can talk with him about getting short-term leave. I know all the stress from work is not doing anything to help my back so if I can take 2 or 3 weeks and just rest, hopefully I will feel better.
I think this is also my last 6-month MRI. As long as my tumors haven't grown, we can just monitor them once a year, which would be great. That's what I am praying for. I am still hoping to hear if there will be clinical trials sometime soon for this drug that is supposed to be able to stop the growth of current tumors and prevent new ones from forming. They already know the drug works for cancer patients but now they're thinking it can help with neurofibromatosis too. I'll have to remember to ask Dr. Vincent next week to see if he knows anything about that. He might not, since I think he only has one other NF patient besides me.

2005-12-02T17:43:00.000-05:00

Candida and Mykaling, pretending to be butterflies and taking time out for a photo; Casa Bernabe Orphanage; Veracruz, Masaya, Nicaragua

2005-12-02T17:39:00.000-05:00

Me and Jonathan; Casa Bernabe Orphanage; Veracruz, Masaya, Nicaragua

2005-12-02T17:24:00.000-05:00

Me and Socorro; Casa Bernabe Orphanage; Veracruz, Masaya, Nicaragua

This is Weird

2005-12-02T17:17:00.000-05:00

I don't know if there is something wrong with my blog. I just left a comment on another blog and when I clicked on the link to take me back to my blog, it brought up an older version of my blog, one that did not include my most 2 or 3 recent posts. When I went to the edit posts link, they showed up there, but the main page is all wrong, it's the old template I had been using and my recent posts aren't there. This is so weird.
Anyway, I was going to write a real post but now I have to figure out this problem instead. Then it's off to California Pizza Kitchen and to see "Rent" with Vinny, Mark and Clyde.
I think I am going to have a Raspberry Mojito with dinner tonight because they are just so yummy!

Naps are wonderful

2005-11-30T15:20:00.000-05:00

I just woke up from a nice 2-hour nap, and it felt great. This whole insomnia thing is killing me, really, so whenever I can sneak in a nap it really helps. Normally I would be doing ORPHANetwork stuff right now but our Executive Director, Tim, is in Nicaragua right now. I am sooooo envious and also a little ticked off that he didn't tell me he was going so I could've given him letters to bring to the kids, but then again, he got all ticked off and inconvenienced last time he went and the kids asked him to bring back letters for me so I'm probably better off waiting till Tyler or Summer or Vinny go and sending the letters with one of them instead. But since Tim isn't here and he didn't leave a list of ORPHANetwork stuff to be done, I am took the rare opportunity to take a nap. It was sheer bliss in the midst of all the stress that is my life.
In other news, I had 2 job interviews yesterday. I am turning both of them down. The first wasn't actually an employment situation, per se, but more of starting up your own insurance Franchise, which sounds cool but there is a huge time and money investment required, neither of which I have enough of. The second was for another insurance company. It sounded okay, the people seemed really nice and the hours were pretty good (although I would have had to give up my cherished 4-day schedule). But the base salary was $10k less than what I am making now. The monthly bonuses may have made it close but those are no guarantee. But the real kicker was that I would not be able to take a vacation for a YEAR. I'd be allowed a couple days off if I was sick or had Dr's appointments, etc, but in terms of having a full week off for a vacation, that wouldn't happen for a year. There is no way I can wait that long to go back to Nicaragua. I have only been back from my most recent trip for 2 months and I am already dying to get back there. I can't even imagine going for a whole year without seeing my kids' sweet faces or hugging them or being hugged by them, hanging out with my best friend and giggling and talking about just everything while we eat cocoonut ice cream, spending time helping the kids with their homework, or playing jacks, or walking with a group of the older girls to the bakery to buy picos for the whole orphanage for dessert ... Nope, definitely can't wait that long. So we'll see. I have another interview next week and there are still other opportunities I can look into. Or maybe I will just stay where I am and things will get better. Ugh!! I just wish I knew what God's plan was in all of this. I keep praying and praying that He would make it clear to me whether I should stay or leave and right now it's SO not clear.

Stuff From My Day

2005-11-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally have gotten some of my pictures from my most recent trip to Nicaragua online. You can see them here: Nicaragua September 2005
I still have more that I need to add. I always end up with so many pictures when I am in Nicaragua. Seriously, I will go through 14 disposable cameras minimum plus a ton on my digital camera.
So I have 2 job interviews lined up for tomorrow and another one next Tuesday. Don't know if anything will come of them, but it can't hurt to check it out and see what else is out there. I hope I can sleep enough tonight so that I am not a walking zombie tomorrow. My first interview is at 10, which means I can sleep till 8 or even 8:30, but lately I have been dealing with major insomnia. I know it's stress and I know I really just need to lay this all at the foot of the Cross and leave it in God's hands, but I am not good at doing that. I am OK with laying it down, but I always pick it back up again. I don't know why I do it. Maybe it's a matter of not having enough faith, but I KNOW God is able and I believe His Word where He says He knows the plans He has for us, and that He has numbered all the hairs on our head and we are worth more than sparrows to Him. I believe all of that but I think it's because I am such a control freak that it's hard for me to give over that control, even when I know it's God and it's soooooo much better for Him to be in control than me. I just don't know why I have such a hard time putting that into practice.

2005-11-28T00:56:00.000-05:00

I do feel very blessed that I have really wonderful friends and there is such a supportive community at church. Everyone is so great and really concerned about my job situation. I have a bunch of people who are praying for me and they always ask me how it's going when we see each other. I feel bad though, because I feel like all the crap at work has me totally wrapped up in a state of self-pity and I am not doing enough caring about other people. I know there is one friend in particular I feel I have hurt and it tears me up ...

It's been a while

2005-11-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

I hadn't realized how long it had been since I last posted. I am not sure if anyone even reads this so maybe it doesn't matter that it's been so long. If anyone is actually reading this, I am forewarning you that this will pretty much be a pointless post, mostly self-pitying but hey, at least it's cathartic.
I am so over my job situation. I just don't understand why my boss has to be so hateful and mean to me. This is a good company to work for, but honestly, it's so hard to work in a place where my boss quite obviously doesn't want me there. I met with *her* boss on last week to see about getting transferred to another unit but before she would even consider that, she wants the three of us to have a meeting together to see if we can work this out. That's exactly what I *don't* want. We've been down that road before and it didn't get us anywhere. What's more, although I told her boss that this was a sensitive issue and I wanted to talk with her before she talked with my boss, she went ahead and talked with her first anyway. I am sure she did, because she was sitting at my boss' desk five minutes before I met with her. And the "coaching session" we had just an hour after our meeting was just a little too coincidental. I just feel like there is nobody in a management position there that I can even trust. I know I should just move on and look for another job (which I am sort of doing, half-heartedly-I have like 6 or 7 interview offers too) I am reluctant to, because I love my 4-day schedule, and although I am not making great money, I have been there 5 years so I am not making entr-level income anymore, which is what I am afraid will happen if I do go elsewhere for employment. Hopefully before too long my Arbonne business will be to the pont where that will be replacement income and I can quit and not worry about it but it's not there yet. This stress is really starting to take it's toll on me, physically, emotionally and mentally. I am having panic attacks on almost a daily basis, I haven't slept a full night in several weeks, I am missing a bunch of work because the stress is making me sick. I know I sound very whiny but this really sucks. I know God has a plan and there is a reason this is happening but I wish I knew what it was.
I also got very sad the other day (the 24th, Thanksgiving) because I remembered that is graduation/grade promotion day for the kids at the orphanage and I was sad because I couldn't be there witth them. Isamar was promoted to the 7th grade and I really wanted to be there with her for her day. I don't know when I will be going back. Hopefully in January but I don't know for sure. I just miss the kids so much. And I miss my best friend. I just wish I was in Nicaragua right now because I am so much happier there and everything is so much simpler and less complicated.
I think this enough whining and complaining for one night. Maybe tomorrow I will actually have something deep and insightful to say.

3 1/2 weeks to go

2005-08-16T18:01:00.000-04:00

Just 24 more days and I will be in Nicaragua! I can't wait! I wish I was there now, of course. I just talked on the phone yesterday with Ivonne, my best friend. She's pretty bummed out right now 'cause she's got chicken pox :( That worries me because I know it's way more serious and a lot more painful to have chicken pox as an adult. But she says she's feeling better. She still can't work or be around the kids and she's not able to go out on the outings with the missions groups that are down there, so I know that's disappointing for her :( But despite being so sick, she told me she is sending me some paintings she made with my friend Summer who is down there now, when she comes back, and she had our friend Aby, who also works at the orphanage, get all the kids to write letters to me which she is also going to send back with Summer for me. That's just so incredible, here she is so sick but she still wants to make sure she sends me letters and her paintings, which are reallu awesome. I already have four of them framed and hanging on the wall in my living room, and that's where the others are also going to go when I get them.
But that's the thing about the people in Nicaragua. No matter how bad their situation is or how little they have, they are always so generous and so selfless and they always want to share whatever they have, even if they don't have very much. When I was there in May, Ivonne's mom, Rosa, wanted to make lunch for me one day, so she made Bahoo, which is a traditional Nicaraguan meal. She spent at least 4 or 5 hours preparing and cooking this meal for me and it just really moved me because I know it was a great cost for her, and that they don't even normally eat meals like that. It definitely makes me realize how good I have it here and how often I can be so selfish. I wish I could be more like Ivonne and Rosa and the other people in Nicaragua like them that I have met.

Earthquake

2005-08-03T17:18:00.000-04:00

Apparently there was a moderate earthquake in Nicaragua this morning. The news I read said it was a 6.3 and that it was felt in Nicaragua and also northeastern Costa Rica, but no injuries or damage, THANK GOD! I called a guy I know who is downthere leading a missions trip now at the orphanage, which is outside of Managua, and they hadn't even known there was an earthquake 'cause no one there felt it. So that's a good thing. Nicaragua is supposed to be one of the most seismically active places on earth so I guess they get temblors and stuff all the time. Earthquakes or not, I can't wait to get back down there! I still have 39 days, which seems like so long, but hopefully they will fly by. But I know my two weeks down there will fly by even faster, which makes me sad. I have been thinking lately about how much I want to move down there. I have never felt this way about any place I have ever been, even the places I have lived I always felt like that was not where I was supposed to ulitmately end up, but in Nicaragua I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I feel more at home and more at peace there than anywhere else. When I am not there it feels like part of me is missing. I really feel like God is calling me to move there and that He has plans to use me to help the people in Nicaragua, especially the kids. I just know I have to be patient until it's the right time because if I could jump on a plane and move there tomorrow, I would.

2005-07-28T00:43:00.000-04:00

My best friend, Ivonne, and her little girl, Andreita, and me at Cocina de Haydee, my favorite restaraunt in Nicaragua

45 More Days ...

2005-07-27T22:53:00.000-04:00

The countdown has begun. Or I should say, the countdown continues since I pretty much started counting down the days till my next trip to Nicaragua the day I after I returned from my most recent trip. I can't wait to get back down there. It's just for two weeks, which isn't long enough, but it's better than not going at all. Hopefully I'll be able to have a longer visit in the near future, maybe even spend Christmas there again. I definitely want to be living there within the next two years.
It's really funny, more than 2 years ago, before I went on my first visit to the orphanage, a few of my friends joked with me (at least I *thought* they were joking) that they knew one day I would end up living in Nicaragua. I just laughed it off at the time. I mean, I couldn't have even told you where Nicaragua is on a map, I didn't speak Spanish, and I didn't have any friends in Nicaragua. Now, two years later, I speak a little more Spanish, can read and write it pretty well, and my two best friends in the entire world are Nicaraguan and work at the orphanage. So basically just about every reason I had for not moving to Nicaragua is now null and void.
I still need to make sure the money thing is going to work. I know my cost of living in Nicaragua will be pretty low, but I want to buy a house there and would like to adopt Isamar, the girl at the orphanage I have bonded with the most. I would also like for her brother and sister to live with me too, so I don't need to split up the family.
My desire to move to Nicaragua is what led me to start my own Arbonne business, and I hope that will be the vehicle which will let me save up enough money to move to Nicaragua, hopefully before May 2007.
Most of my friends tell me they are not surprised at all about this decision, given my passion for Nicaragua and the kids in the orphanage. I really can't explain it but I just feel so strongly that God is leading me to move there. Maybe it will be permanently, maybe not, but I am open to His will and I know that when I am in Nicaragua I feel like I am where I belong, despite the language difference.